Ed Noble?s world falls apart when a suicide bomber murders his family. Holding the bomber?s spiritual leader responsible, Ed resorts to desperate measures to bring him to account.

Firstly Tim, I am sorry for your loss.

Secondly, if the `spiritual leader` is a muslim (why not call a spade a spade? You mention mosque...), then he wouldn`t care about sacrificing muslim hostages. These scum will happily massacre their own brand of faith, if it means killing the `infidel`. So I don`t see the relevancy of making him accountable in such a way. Also bin ladin used his children and wives as shields, so even if you had his family as hostages, it`d be a non-starter. It`d just strengthen the conviction for reprisal.

If you are going to write this, do it properly. Research thoroughly. Don`t ask muslims for advice, it`s never accurate. Read the quran (whichever version of islam your character is), watch international news and search the archives.

You may feel that this film can be passable in researched detail, but it will be scrutinised, and will appeal to those with more knowledge than a layman.

One final consideration is the well-being and safety of both yourself and those you love. Just look at the danish cartoonist. If you portray anything mildly provocative, I assure you some insane scum will take violent offence. Particularly against your muslim brother.

That is not saying your story should be canned, merely be cautious.

N.B. I`m ex-Royal Marines, GB

Hey patrochable - thx for the logline idea - it is summarised very well. The complication (to date) is the spiritual leader is offshore and in the script (to date) the protagonist has been deported from Indonesia for threatening to kill the leader....but the logline you suggest gives me a stronger direction than I had - so thx for that..

Interesting thoughts Chris, thx. As with earlier comments, the move is mainly thriller with revenge as a theme rather than its core theme. Its more about understanding and justice. in regards the antagonist they always say villains don't know they are villains, and in the script there is a tape of the spiritual leader's ramblings that was inadmissible in court and suppressed. My protagonist has a copy and wants to expose it. As for shortening - you're right. thx again..

You're right saving people from further hardship does give more resonance to the issue of revenge. I guess my protagonist does want revenge at some level but what he needs is more an understanding, to bring someone to justice, but more importantly he is trying to deal with loss. In the script he has tried to confront the spiritual leader on a number of occasions. He has been blanked every time. I am trying to walk a fine balance .....ths for the useful feedback it has helped me shape the direction of the logline further.

Thx again Nir - I had been struggling with the antagonist idea for a while and you've given me some very interesting and helpful views on it. Thx

Interesting thriller - can you say it in fewer words?

Phrases like "world falls apart" and "resorts to desperate measures" are too vague, and can be removed or made more specific.

I suggest something like:

When a suicide bomber murders his family, Ed attempts to bring the bomber?s spiritual leader to justice by seizing his Mosque, holding seven people hostage.

Hi Tim. I like this - it gives me a fairly solid idea about what to expect if I were to read the script. Revenge/action/thriller is my first impression.

Thoughts: I'd suggest you don't name the protagonist though - give a brief description instead. Ie, a distraught family man... Second, loglines are usually a single sentence if you could conbine them I think it might read better. Finally, I'd try and make it clear exactly what the relationship is, ie, the protagonist is holding someone responsible - but there's the hint of a question as to whether he's justified or not. If he's not, it could give an entirely different slant to the movie.

Cheers
C

Not a particular favourite this genre but you have the basics of a good logline. I'd like to see more about Ed Noble's world to make it more interesting. Maybe some unique concept to make him a great antagonist.
From a sympathy point of view it is a balancing act to get the audience to root for someone just out for revenge, unless he is also clearly saving people from further hardship.

Hi Tim
My pleasure glad to share thoughts.

Understood but it sounds more like your thinking in terms of controlling idea than a logline so my previous comments still apply.
In regards to your last post on the antagonist in your story I think that extremism is too vague an antagonist. You may need to specify, through their actions, a person or organization as the antagonist rather than a tendency.
Nir.