Due to imminent war conflict between magisterial government and local guerilla party, local man joins rebels on life-risking mission for exchange of safe passage for him and his pregnant wife out of the quarantined town.

4 reviews

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

Reorder the descriptions and make it so he has to fight the military that is directly threatening his wife instead of it being an agreement he has with the guerilla fighters. This way his fight has very high stakes for him, it's not a matter of keeping his end of a bargain up rather he directly has to protect the wife:

After war breaks out a farmer must help the guerilla fighters against the government to prevent an attack on his pregnant wife in their home.

But as DPG pointed out, where is this happening?

Foxtrot25 Summitry · 17,380 pts

AS DK and dpg brilliantly ask and suggest. Good advice.

Safe passage of him and the prego wife are paramount. Bring these to the forefront. They are what make his journey dangerous and hold plenty of stakes.

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

Where is the story set? In the Middle East, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan? ?In Central America? ?Africa?

That's not a small detail to be worked out later. ?It's a critical detail that needs to be embedded in the logline.