Foxtrot25

17,380 points

2,620 points to Singularity

11 loglines
516 reviews

Loglines

3

Question for the admins… After a log has an initial thread, and later down the line additional changes are made, can you consider a way to post updates to the older thread while being able to bump it back to the top so that people will not miss things?

January 30, 2018
1

A phone operator at a suicide prevention hotline becomes overwhelmed when three desperate people all call at the same time. *SHORT*

January 19, 2018
A mysterious rose causes a tragedy to a teenager?s girlfriend when he gives it to her, and years later tries to make amends by helping find his perfect match. ‘UnMatched Spec script.’

October 4, 2017
An undercover MI6 agent is sent to Berlin during the Cold War to investigate the murder of a fellow agent and recover a missing list of double agents. -ATOMIC BLONDE-

August 29, 2017
A retired astronaut must overcome an emotional disability to save seven world leaders trapped inside of a crippled space station before it crashes to Earth.

August 17, 2017
6

THOUGHT: What I like about my brief time on this site so far…

August 1, 2017
A research facility in Antarctica comes across an alien force that can become anything it touches with 100% accuracy. The members must now find out who’s human and who’s not before it’s too late. THE THING – 1982

July 18, 2017
Planet Spaceballs’ President Skroob sends Lord Dark Helmet to steal planet Druidia’s abundant supply of air to replenish their own, and only Lone Starr can stop them. SPACEBALLS

July 15, 2017
Lost in deep space, the crew of a rescue ship must cooperate with an alien rebels to find a way home.

March 16, 2017
A snide vigilante with a super-elastic body is pestered by a reporter who insists that she fight against an emerging evil that is determined to conquer the world.

March 11, 2017
1

?A cop and his K-9 companion unintentionally hijack a billion dollar drug shipment from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.

March 6, 2017

Recent reviews

on “They say first impressions are the most important. Luckily, twelve-year-old geek, Gordon Periwinkle gets a second.” A reluctant geek looks to create a new image when he is the new kid in school. After he fails miserably, he gets a second chance to re-live that week, this time he takes a completely different path while fully knowing the outcome of each previous decision.

Agree with variable. Where are the stakes in this story? Also, how is he given a 2nd chance and why is that relevant to the story?
on The true story of how a motley crew pulled off England’s biggest bank heist only to discover they were set up by MI5 to retrieve scandalous photos of a royal person.

"What, really, is lost by not designating a protagonist? " I proceed that a log should suggest to a star talent what the story would mean for them if they were to sign up. I don't like mentioning "shady used…
on After her student goes missing, the teacher in-charge sets up a “search and rescue” with his best friends before their field trip ends.

I would set up the environment first, While on an extended field trip... Or, Before the conclusion of their field trip... ...has until the parents expect them to return.
on I hate to ask but…

I would usea comma instead of a period and cut it to 1 line. Why mention they are adopted when they can discover that in story? Two desperate sisters must travel across the country to locate their biological relative who…
on During a wedding rehearsal, a bridesmaid is taken by pirates and becomes the prize of the battle of ego vs revenge between two of the most powerful pirate ships.

In the sequel does Johnny Depp crash the wedding?
on The true story of how a notorious Jewish counterfeiter saved his life by cooperating with the Nazis in the largest counterfeiting scheme in history.

The true story of how a Jewish counterfeiter trades his services for freedom from the Nazi war machine.
on A hunter/slayer hybrid woman takes on the world’s monster in her normal life Seattle, which changes when she meets a sorcerer who is cursed to live in the shadows.

By monsters, she battles Cali Liberals, right?
on When a fragile single girl wins a holiday vacation at 28, she has 3 weeks to go into a meaningful relationship or risk relapsing into depression

A 3 week vacation? What a great win! That alone should help with the depression.
on After learning his mother is dying due to lack of healthcare coverage and money, a promising med student abruptly quits school to compete in a dangerous TV show offering $1 million to the lone survivor who is still alive at the end of the game.

He is billed as a promising med student who can't help his own mother medically, but rather playing in a game of death instead? I guess his med skills aren't too good.
on An alien politician whose world was colonised by humans must fight a corrupt system and a supremacist organisation to rise to the top.

The audience would need to identify with the aliens over the humans. How could you pull that off easily? Even Avatar had the aggressive human side provide the protagonist.Be careful you don't write this as an anti-human story, unless you…
on When the mentor of ruthless assassin/lone wolf cop is murdered, the assassin/cop bands his team of skilled corrupt cops/best friends together to find the one responsible.

Also, don't use / three times like that. It's too much. Matter of fact, I wouldn't use it at all, IMO.
on After several defeats, a determined young boxer prepares for a last chance to reignite his career while dealing with his unsupportive family and the hoodlums he grew up with.

This sounds promising, albeit, done before. If it's just another "boxer trying to break out of the hood" story can you think about what makes yours stand out and add that into the log? Is it the antagonists? His family…
on (Re-post) Post civil war, after escaping a vicious gang of ex-confederates running a slave camp in a sequestered stronghold in the mountains, an ex-union soldier seeks to return and free everyone there.

This reads somewhat clunky and not very unique story-wise. My take: A civil-war soldier must recruit help to seek justice against the vicious gang that has left him for dead.
on Realizing her kingdom is coming downhill, a determined Egyptian Goddess, has one night to acquire freedom for her kidnapped chosen one lover from the selfish controlling Prince of Egypt, to take his rightful place and restore peace into his kingdom.

As is this is a tad too long and needs to be trimmed. Is this based on existing story?
on After their identities are stolen, a young couple need to find their enemies, fast.

Okay, who the hell swaps houses? How about "After a real estate purchase,...."
on Post civil war, after escaping a vicious gang of ex-confederates running a slave camp in a sequestered stronghold in the mountains, an ex-union soldier seeks to return and free everyone there.

As Craig demonstrates the much needed shortening of the OP.
on When a haunted family discovers that the ghosthunters they hired are criminals who capture then use ghosts for crime, the family must team up with the ghosts to take down the frauds.

Obviously, the ghosts would come off as unwanted at first but later be represented as the emotional-garnering people who the MC realizes are now worth saving from the antagonists. This is classic Spielberg misdirection here. And that's also where the…
on When a haunted family discovers that the ghosthunters they hired are criminals who capture then use ghosts for crime, the family must team up with the ghosts to take down the frauds.

Revealing that they start out 'wanting the ghosts removed' and then eventually need to team up with the unwanted ghosts may not be a good idea for the logline. Capturing ghosts and forcing them to commit crimes is, however, brilliant.…
on After an young girl is bought from slavery, she is taken to a school where she becomes a witch, where she uses her abilities to kill her former master and save her family.

This isn't a logline, it's a very short summary of a story. Check the formula on this page and use it for the rewrite. GL.
on .

Bad syntax in the log. So, obviously, based on your description, you hate on the rich, and in order for that to work in your story, you need an audience who sympathizes with the hatred. Guess what, that isn't reality.…