Derek Caplin is a nobody. He spends his whole life as a nobody, but he is going to change that. Fleeing to the past, he alters his past self for what he believes is the better, however, when he returns to the future he sees his last self has grown up to be a warlord. With the World on a tipping point, Derek must turn to those who originally tried to stop him for help. Or Derek Chaplin tries to alter his past to give himself a second chance, but when he sees the future his ‘new self’ will create he must now stop at nothing to stop a horrible, deadly future from ever happening.

What specifically does your protagonist change in the past that results in him becoming a warlord in the present? (It must be something fairly significant, for modern society to be fundamentally changed in what can only be the span of one man's lifetime - what I mean by that is, where is this set, that a person whose biggest problem he faces is being a nobody also lives in a place where warlords are a genuine concern? Or else, what changes in the past change not only Derek, but essentially all of Western societal structure? Derek's a Western name, right?)

In your set up, when he goes back and changes himself, does it create two versions of him (warlord Derek and normal Derek?) If that's the case, what does he achieve by going back in time and changing things? He'll still be living as a nobody? It's just the other version of himself that will receive any benefit?

What is actually at risk once he returns to the present and there is a person who looks just like him that is also a warlord? Why does he want to, and how could he possibly, stop Warlord Derek?

Hi Knightrider1984,

There is a great section on the site that will help you with writing a logline: https://staging.loglineit.com/howto/

Once you deconstruct the story elements into it's most basic form, you will then find it easier to work with and may even find story problems that you haven't noticed before.

Hope this helps :)

On his return from altering the past, the meek inventor of a time travel device must stop an insane dictator: the alternate time version of himself.