A former Special Ops Commando thought covert missions in the desert were rough. Then he married a spy who wants him dead.

by R.C. 67 pts

UPDATE II

I feel it is now too long but what do I know, I am new to this…

Genre: Noir Fiction
Premise: Former Special Ops Commando is now a software developer and counter-intelligence operative. His wife is also a spy who he thinks tried to get him killed to save a deal.

Aydin knew marrying Allison was a lousy idea, but he did it anyway, for the mission.

In his previous life, the special forces missions were simple. Hike in, blow something up, hike out. His new life as an international intelligence operative is complex. Civilian spy missions are complicated and dangerous.

4 reviews

cmarch29 31 pts

I feel like this could be a very interesting story, but the logline feels more like a promotional tagline. Ideally, the structure should only be one sentence, highlighting the protagonist (former solider), antagonist (spy/wife), the conflict (she wants him dead), and the stakes.

dpg 112,231 pts

As Richiev said. It sounds interesting but the logline is more of a teaser. It needs to be fleshed out with a brief sketch plot, the conflict his marriage to the spy embroils him in.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

To be more specific, this is more of a teaser than a logline.

However, this does sound interesting.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

Who is the lead character?
What do they want?
What is standing in their way?

And on a side note, what is the specific conflict? The marriage or some outside force?

(I mean these elements should be added to the logline.)