cmarch29

Recent reviews

• on When they discover the complications of moving in with two romantic partners, a thrill-seeking bartender must decide whether polyamory is for them, or risk losing both of their loves.

  Dating in New York, eh? Logline is little long. You can get ride of "When they," right off the bat. Active voice -- "Discovering the complications of living with two romantic partners, a thrill-seeking bartender..." I understand the pronoun usage,…

• on A year into sobriety, a former addict struggles with the monotony of her new life, haunted by a demon from her past, as she searches for peace and self-acceptance.

  The logline itself is clunky. The 'haunted by the demon from her past' does not fit where it currently is. It needs restructuring and trimming. Perhaps something like, "Haunted by past demons, a former addict struggles with the monotony of…

• on Demoted after a failed coup against Satan, an inept demon is sent to America to create chaos and earn back his honor, but his rival demon’s sabotaging antics turn every mission into a comedic disaster.

  This premise is fun. The logline can be tightened up a little bit, but I dig it.

• on A former Special Ops Commando thought covert missions in the desert were rough. Then he married a spy who wants him dead.

  I feel like this could be a very interesting story, but the logline feels more like a promotional tagline. Ideally, the structure should only be one sentence, highlighting the protagonist (former solider), antagonist (spy/wife), the conflict (she wants him dead),…