Street level dealer wanting more from life plans to import her own product triggering kidnap, murder and a war she cannot survive.

Where's the originality? ?Where's the high concept? ?What's the hook? ?"Street level dealer wanting blah blah"....Yawn

I agree about the logline being able to communicate the plot without the need for the "redeeming factor" to be mentioned in it, that was just a side note that several members seemed to have thought of. I believe that's going to be a caveat in the concept, and these have been particularly helpful comments on the matter - when the producer asks you the same questions we did, you'll be happy to have thought about it ahead of time.? Not suggesting you didn't on your own, but we would have not done right by you if we hadn't raised it as an issue.

Likable character or not aside, the plot is vague. What is it she specifically MUST achieve, or else, and why now? I really don't understand the specifics of the plot, before the sister gets kidnapped.

I think the concept would benefit from shifting the timing of the kidnap, what if the big bad boss kidnaps her sister on his own accord? This then forces her into action, gives her a clear goal and could enlighten her to the error of her ways and motivate her to get out of the business. I truly believe that would solve many of the fundamental problems in this concept.

As for "...prejudices"... and disliking characters, I won't dignify either of these comments with a response.

All the best.

Let me some this (the likeable character type issue) up.

A logline can be described as the quickest way through a story. The heart of a story.

I am a narrative story teller. I wish I had the chance craft of a poet. Poets can get an emotion across in just a few words.

This is where my loglines fall over. Some people find a new word order for me, or even reverse the phrasing to make it infinitely better. Or they tell me I am vague. What I thought was clear was not. All super helpful.

I know the skill I have as a story teller. As you are aware I am more than happy to defend my story choices and maintain what makes me unique.

I am teflon to thing I think will not help me.

But not everyone is like me. Perhaps improving a logline on a story we see as stupid or pointless would be more helpful than commenting on the story. Think of it from a newbies POV. They come here for help and get told all the holes in there story.

Less than encouraging. Go back through my loglines, you'll see that NIR normally dislikes my characters. That's is because we are different writers, which is what the world needs.

I am still stuck a little on a way get to the idea of mayhem and chaos across in the back half of the logline.