After offering a kidney to her sister they discover they were both adopted. They go on a search for family and a kidney based only on their Mum’s old diary.PS Adoptive parents are dead, can’t see how to fit that in.

DNA

17 reviews

landerson Penpusher · 121 pts

Switch it. A dead Kidney donor is found to be an exact match for her recipient, meaning they were twins. The recipient must go on a detective hunt to find out how and why they were separated, and the search leads her across continents and through some of the twentieth century's most tragic history.

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

This is an anti climax she fights for her life for the most part of the story then at the end decides to stop and die. It is sad and a letdown, if you want the MC to die then best to make it an act of sacrifice to help someone else. Your line:

I don?t want to struggle around people who think they obligated. I want to go home, please, I just want to die as your sister?.

Sounds melodramatic as it is a dramatic choice with seemingly no believable motivation except verbal justification via exposition.

CraigDGriffiths Singularity · 20,463 pts

DPG, the thing that salvages the story is the following.

Healthy sister is keen to continue when they face a sent back. Sick sister wants to go home. They argue, sick sister is worried about how the new family will act, she also is too sick to handle meeting new people, she says "I don't want to struggle around people who think they obligated. I want to go home, please, I just want to die as your sister".

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

>> I can see an ending where they never find the other family.

But is it a marketable ending? What's theme salvages the story in spite of their failure?