After five years of wrongful imprisonment in the Space Justice Federations (SJF) penal colony, Instead of walking free and into the arms of his wife, ex SJF cop Taylor must outwit a malfunctioning, psychotic, shape shifting android that is using prisoners to re-enact macabre scenes from old horror movies to gain his freedom. 2. On the day of his discharge, after serving five years wrongful imprisonment by the Space Justice Federation (SJF), SJF cop Taylor should be a free man. Instead of walking into the waiting arms of his wife,Taylor finds a malfunctioning, psychotic, shape shifting android that is using prisoners to re-enact macabre scenes from old horror movies stands between him and this reunion .

sorry, I reread and saw what you did....that said, I know you can make this more impactful by making it more lean.
After wrongful imprisonment a now free man is still being kept from his family by a shapeshifting droid who uses people for his personal pleasure... (ha ha...you know what I'm saying?)

this is a synopsis, not a logline. Logline's say all of that in one or two sentences :-)

Just a little too much detail, I like the premise, just needs to feel a little more punchy, snappy.

Interesting idea, but I think you're giving us lots of information that's superfluous to the plot. How's this:

"A wrongfully convicted prisoner must destroy the sadistic robot-warden of an orbital penal colony, after a malfunction inspires it to systematically murder the inmates in the style of old horror films."

Thank you very much. and yes I like ?Falsely imprisoned on a moon prison, an ex space cop must destroy a malfunctioning security robot that is killing everyone using 20th century horror films as it?s guide.? Lois

I think Tony's logline attempt is pretty solid.

I like Tony Edward's shape shift of the plot.

The logline(s) as written brings up an important stake issue -- then it seems to drop out of the story. The dude did hard time on a false charge, right? Then wouldn't he want to exonerate himself when he gets out, find the real perps of the crime he was accused of?

Apparently not. The story is about something else, a psycho-android. Well, then, is there a connection between the unjust sentence and the psycho-android? As the loglines stands, there doesn't seem to be a CAUSAL CONNECTION.

But a logline should not be a concatenation of unrelated events, it's should be a CAUSAL connection of events that adds up to a plot. So why is the unjust incarceration issue in the logline at all if it has nothing to do with the psycho-android?

I like the concept of the psycho-android. And as I said, I like Tony Edward's shape-shift. Why not make the psycho-android a security guard whose predations he must survive while in prison? And come to find out, the psycho-android's targeting the protagonist is not a coincidence; it's a punishment by the powers-that-be, an effort to terminate him with extreme prejudice. And WHY are they trying to torture and kill him? Could it have something to do with the conspiracy that got him incarcerated in the first place?

fwiw.

The good thing is that you are giving us specifics... There's just too many of them. The main struggle and the main players (the ex cop and the psychotic robot) is all you need to focus on -- mentioning the Space Justice Federation ends up cluttering the logline, and that info doesn't add any drama or stakes... I still love the idea of the robot ripping off horror films, hopefully it doesn't play like the film is doing the ripping off though... Which I think leads me to think this would make a good comedy -- if it was pure horror there could be a risk of it coming across as unoriginal... There'd be less chance of that if it was a horror/ comedy in the vein of a Simon Pegg Edgar Wright thing... IMO anyway.

This is one take, still feels cluttered, but it's 29 words when cutting out the SJF stuff:

'Falsely imprisoned on a moon prison, an ex space cop must destroy a malfunctioning security robot that is killing everyone using 20th century horror films as it's guide.'

Best of luck with it.

You have a protagonist
You have an antagonist
You haven't exactly told us what the Protagonist has to do but it is implied. He must somehow destroy the robot.

You have good elements

Now you just have to get it down to 25-30 words :)

Hope that helped, good luck with this!