7 reviews
If they can see ahead to make money, they can see ahead to avoid the mob. Movie over.
If your story is really of comedy genre then I find this 'cool'. If it will render around scientific elements more then this is 'not cool'.
Agreed with Adam and DPG.
Why not have the gangster take the future seeing machine and use it to get an edge? This gives the bad guy an advantage and levels out the playing field.
It would also be really cool if you establish that each time a different person uses the future seeing machine the future is slightly different as the person will act differently according to what they see. Adds to the theme that we're all in charge of our own future...
As Adam Bernstr?m said.? ? Stories involving time travel or prescience run into logical conundrums that the logic of the story has to account for.
If they can see into the future, then shouldn't they have seen the problem with the gangsters coming and adapted their. m.o. to obviate the complication?
So, they use the machine to see into the future, on how to get rich?
They use what they've learned to get the money, in the manner that they've seen, and that is a dishonest way, like theft or fraud, I assume?
So it's a bootstrap paradox if I'm right. Nothing wrong with that, just as long as you have thought of the story logic.
I'm guessing that the money belongs to the gangsters, then? So, if they can see how to get that money, they should be able to see that the gangsters won't like it, right? But they do it anyway, or they are too hasty when they first use the machine and don't see that the money belongs to gangsters?
Your Inciting incident is "building a machine to see into future and get rich", while Richiev's is "running afoul of gangsters" which does the job of driving the plot ahead, hence better.
I like it how they use it to get rich, only to run afoul of gangsters....only I am unable to find a relation that connects the two. How did their future peeking resulted into "running into gangsters"?
A logline must raise this one question only -- "will our hero be able to achieve his goal?"
Which brings us to my final concern,
What becomes his GOAL as a result of this unintended consequence? It needs to be spelled or in your logline
Good Luck Philster!!
"When an inventor runs afoul of gangsters, he must use his device which lets him see into the future, to thwart the criminals."