A young surveyor of planets, for the League of celestial nations, is sentenced to the Planet of Incarceration for entering a restricted area. He must discover why he was directed to the location and who authorised it.

by Alan Smithee 20 pts

Incarceration

Jason is a young surveyor, raised and trained by the League of Celestial Nations to explore the geology and atmosphere of planets for possible habitation or minerals. He is instructed to survey a planet on which he witnesses a top secret event. He is consequently sentenced for the breach of security. On his trip to incarceration his pod is intercepted by a pirate who knows more about his last technical upgrade than he does. She uses his technology for her own purposes before helping him discover who gave him the coordinates and why.

2 reviews

Stephanie 26 pts

What happens if the surveyed doesn’t find out who sentenced him? What is there to lose or gain. What is likely to happen to him when he finds out who sentenced him.

Is it important to mention the surveyors youth, or is there a better word to describe him eg, inexperienced, law braking, religious.

dpg 112,231 pts

What is the top secret event? (A logline can't reveal or describe all - but it must be specific, not vague. What makes the top secret event of urgent dramatic interest?)

Why must he discover why he was set up? IOW: what are the stakes? What is gained if he find out? What is lost is he doesn't?