A young medium is tasked with cleansing an old mansion but the spirits would kill to protect their dark secrets.
Appreciate feedback
5 reviews
First, is the "Who" important, and by who, I mean the person or people who hire the medium?
I only ask because if it's her sister hires her to cleanse the house, that is one story, if it's some mega-corporation it's another.
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Also, what will she lose if she fails in her mission, is it just her life?
Perhaps her credibility is at stake, maybe she has been accused of being a fraud and this is her last chance at proving herself?
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Also, is the medium legitimate or a fraud. The story would be interesting either way, Imagine if the medium was a scam artist who doesn't believe in ghosts, using tricks to fool her clients, now she goes to the house to perform an elaborate hoax cleansing and suddenly she is faced with a real malevolent entity.
"...would kill..." should be 'kill' - make the danger imminent.
Also, it would be better to make the stakes more personal.
For example:
After her brother is lost in a haunted mansion, a medium must cleanse the murdering spirits away to save his life.
A logline ideally should be under 35 words but it?s simply a guideline to make you think hard about what elements are essential to understanding your story. The fact your protagonist is a con artist is a huge story point because that immediately changes everything. So the question now is who is she conning and why? The answers to all of these questions don?t have to be in the logline but we ask them so you consider whether it should be.