A young couple lost on a road trip through the desert mountains get entangled with a secretive doomsday cult, and must launch a daring escape before its charismatic leader can realize his plans to unleash Armageddon.

by Ilandes 0 pts 896 views

Hollywood type thriller, tightly scripted chase movie that is set in the New Mexico desert.
I’m finding writing loglines harder than writing the screenplay!
Basically a young couple take a wrong turn on their way to Santa Fe, getting increasingly lost. The odd person they encouter misdirects them so they get even further lost. What they don’t realize, until they are trapped, is that they have stumbled into the territory of a Fundamentalist cult that is plotting a massive terrorist attack.

4 reviews

Paul Clarke Samurai · 1,352 pts

Sounds like a 'The Hills Have Eyes' type setup, but with a different type of monster.

I'm guessing that they spend the first half to two thirds trying to escape, then realize they need to stop this guy before he releases hell on earth. The events go from personal, to global. If so, I'm not sure I'd include that in the logline. Maybe just hint at it. Leave us wondering what the cult is going to do, but hint that it is bad. I think the threat of death or enslavement to the cult is enough motivation for the young couple to act.

Also, to give it a real hook. I think there needs to be something more distinctive about the cult or their leader. Something to make them different from every other doomsday cult. Something that will make your story memorable from the logline alone.

Other than that, I would probably read this script/watch the movie based on that logline. Good stuff.

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

Ilandes,
Sounds familiar, but there's something about this that intrigues me. My advice is simply to simplify. The road trip aspect is beyond cliche. Here's an alternative approach concentrating on the complications and setting: "A doomsday cult's plan to ensure Armageddon are complicated when a young couple happens upon their secretive mountain compound."
--Doc

uDawnWrite 0 pts

"and must launch a daring escape before its charismatic leader can realize his plans to unleash Armageddon" I'm lost a little on this part of the logline.

Should it read "plans to prevent Armageddon." Maybe I'm reading it wrong.