A world class triathlon athlete competes in a town where he was a torturer in his former life. Karma catches up, not only with him, but his whole team.

Single Soul

6 reviews

David W 0 pts

The second half of your logline reads more like a retrospective tagline. Try something that links in the main character and his goal better.
eg: When a world class triathlon athlete's career brings him back to the town he committed heinous crimes in he must fight to avoid the consequences of his mispent youth.

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

And why should his team suffer just because of his bad karma? Seems unfair.

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

Agreed with the above comments.

The mention of Karma and a former life imply a re incarnation element in the story. However I think you mean he was a torturer in his previous occupation as a soldier, prison guard or mafia operative.

Best to re word it so it reads true to the actual situation he is in and the irony he faces.

Secondly, what does he want to achieve and why? What is the inciting incident and specific goal?

Hope this helps.