David W

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

on When a young computer prodigy discovers he exists in a virtual world, he reprograms reality to save his father with cataclysmic consequences.

From reading your comment I feel like the original logline almost has 2 inciting incidents. It seems that the reprogramming of reality should be the inciting incident which leads to the goal of trying to fix what went wrong and…
on A world class triathlon athlete competes in a town where he was a torturer in his former life. Karma catches up, not only with him, but his whole team.

The second half of your logline reads more like a retrospective tagline. Try something that links in the main character and his goal better. eg: When a world class triathlon athlete's career brings him back to the town he committed…
on A directionless raft guide enlists his professional athlete friends to help him find a mysterious woman in the forest who called upon him to save her, then disappeared.

I feel like your logline might read a bit better if you reverse the order things are told in. For example when a distressed woman disappears into the forest a directionless raft guide must enlist his athlete friends to find…