A street stupid teen struggles to sell methamphetamine looted from a crimescene to fund his dream of making it big in Hollywood, as he’s pursued by a psychopath cop.

14 reviews

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts ★ Accepted

Hi Benny.

Can I recommend a great book?
The War of Art by Steven Pressfield, it's a quick and easy read?with many useful insights that may help with you dilemma - one many writers face all the time.

As for your logline, I've read through this thread and it sounds as if you've already dedicated a considerable amount of time and energy to this concept. It also sounds like there are a few fundamental problems with it, I tend to agree with the others in this thread and believe?that in order to make this concept work, it will need a significant re think and subsequently lot of re writing.

Your replies, while appreciative and delightfully polite, indicate a degree of resistance to the work these fundamental changes call for, which is perfectly natural. However, it is possibly preventing you from maximising the potential of your story, and as Pressfield writes in his book is preventing you from excelling as a writer. I apologies if I come across as?pretentious, but I do believe this concept requires a ground up re think to ?make the character, his action and his goal work well as elements in a story.

benny Samurai · 676 pts

Thanks Dkpough1.
I agree that a time out will be a good idea. I was heading along that line anyway. I had a quick scan of my script this morning and I've come to the conclusion that I've put so much thought into the range of characters that I may just have neglected getting to know my MC. I have a bad habit of working backwards. I agree with all of your comments.

Dkpough1 Summitry · 18,095 pts

Benny:
Sometimes all you need is space. Work on one of your other ideas and then come back to this one and you'll be a bit more objective. (obviously not totally because it's your story)
Rather than make your character likable, exactly, ?trying going ambitious.
Make his goals so outlandish and interesting that an audience can't help but root for him.