Dkpough1

18,095 points

1,905 points to Singularity

11 loglines
488 reviews

Loglines

1

After a failed ritual to resurrect their mother severely damages their bodies, two young alchemists search for the mythical Philosopher’s Stone to restore themselves.

December 18, 2018
After a police station is attacked, a supernatural mercenary in custody must work with mundane cops to defend it from a group of faeries seeking the powerful artifact she stole.

August 20, 2017
After mystical criminals break a powerful witch out of prison, a wizard a part of a magic police force must lead her first mission to catch them.

June 18, 2017
1

After his son is shot in a drive-by, a gangster must use his crippled werewolf abilities to kill the vengeful vampire who has been attacking his gang.

June 10, 2017
A team of young superheroes carry out covert missions to prove that they are worthy to join the Justice League.

October 28, 2016
Open Discussion

June 12, 2016
1

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June 9, 2016
When a bio-terrorist’s engineered plague infects a superhero, he breaks out of prison to create a cure for the woman he loves.

May 1, 2016
When a superhero is infected with his engineered plague, her ex-boyfriend escapes from prison to steal from a military lab and create a cure before the woman he loves dies in three days.

April 28, 2016
After accepting the reality of being raped by a woman, a reformed demigod assassin tries to deal with his depression by getting back into the business of hunting people who bear the Chimera Mark.

April 25, 2016
When the world?s greatest superhero succumbs to an unknown disease, a convicted bio-terrorist tries to turn his engineered plague into a cure.

April 18, 2016

Recent reviews

on When the dark secrets of a timid family man are about to be exposed by an anonymous source, he must take on dangerous assignments over the course of one night, in an attempt to save his marriage and family.

Logline: "When the dark secrets of a timid family man are about to be exposed by an anonymous source, he must take on dangerous assignments over the course of one night, in an attempt to save his marriage and family."…
on When a nine-year-old, native American boy is struck by lightning and initiated to be the next tribal shaman, he must battle his vengeful Uncle who murdered his father, and protect the world from the dark forces that seek to destroy it.

Logline: "When a nine-year-old, native American boy is struck by lightning and initiated to be the next tribal shaman, he must battle his vengeful Uncle who murdered his father, and protect the world from the dark forces that seek to…
on When a nine-year-old, native American boy is struck by lightning and initiated to be the next tribal shaman, he must battle his vengeful Uncle who murdered his father, and protect the world from the dark forces that seek to destroy it.

Logline: "When a nine-year-old, native American boy is struck by lightning and initiated to be the next tribal shaman, he must battle his vengeful Uncle who murdered his father, and protect the world from the dark forces that seek to…
on When a stranger?s corpse tells her he?s an unsolved murder victim, an impetuous journalist must follow his clues and unmask the killer for the story of her career.

Seems like a simple, solid idea. The logline also seems pretty good, but is a bit long. Logline: "When a stranger?s corpse appears in her bedroom and reveals he was murdered, an impetuous movie critic must piece together the clues…
on When an angel is brutalized by two racist police officers, he finds himself in a face to face confrontation with his estranged daughter that will decide the fate of humanity.

"When an angel is brutalized by two racist police officers, he finds himself in a face to face confrontation with his estranged daughter that will decide the fate of humanity." (30 words) This version seems to be better than the…
on During the 1950?s in segregated Louisiana, a working-class African American mother and wife struggles with unforeseen births, deaths and racial issues while pursuing an unconventional career.

"During the 1950?s in segregated Louisiana, a working-class African American mother and wife struggles with unforeseen births, deaths and racial issues while pursuing an unconventional career." (26 words) Protagonist: "?a working-class African American mother and wife" ---> This could be…
on During the 1950?s in segregated Louisiana, a working-class African American mother and wife struggles with unforeseen births, deaths and racial issues while pursuing an unconventional career.

"During the 1950?s in segregated Louisiana, a working-class African American mother and wife struggles with unforeseen births, deaths and racial issues while pursuing an unconventional career." (26 words) Protagonist: "?a working-class African American mother and wife" ---> This could be…
on After a bionic test leaves an island unresponsive, a company investigator and his friends come to see that the test have become weaponized automatically and cannot leave the island or it will destroy the planet.

"After a bionic test leaves an island unresponsive, a company investigator and his friends come to see that the test have become weaponized automatically and cannot leave the island or it will destroy the planet." (35 words)The logline is confusing,…
on A stubborn, US ex-soldier (28) is resurrected from hell to change humanity for the better, upon sacrificing his soul to hell.

"A stubborn, US ex-soldier (28) is resurrected from hell to change humanity for the better, upon sacrificing his soul to hell." (20 words)Protagonist: "A stubborn, US ex-soldier (28)" ---> No need to include age. Otherwise, this is okay.Antagonist: Implied to…
on A stubborn, US ex-soldier (28) is resurrected from hell to change humanity for the better, upon sacrificing his soul to hell.

"A stubborn, US ex-soldier (28) is resurrected from hell to change humanity for the better, upon sacrificing his soul to hell." (20 words)Protagonist: "A stubborn, US ex-soldier (28)" ---> No need to include age. Otherwise, this is okay.Antagonist: Implied to…
on After being rejected by his daughter (21), a corrupt NYPD officer (47) decides to turn over a new leaf and initiate a massive undercover operation in order to prove his daughter that he?s changed and make her proud of him.

"After being rejected by his daughter (21), a corrupt NYPD officer (47) decides to turn over a new leaf and initiate a massive undercover operation in order to prove his daughter that he?s changed and make her proud of him."…
on Just when she starts fitting in at her new high school, 17 year old Maddie?s werewolf father goes on another killing spree, and she has to keep the dark secret from her new school crush.

There are multiple logline versions in this thread, and they share some of the same problems, so I will focus on the original post. I recommend reading the formula tab at the top of the page and reading through other…
on When his wife appears on his organisation?s hitlist 10 years after they told him she was murdered, a nostalgic assassin seeks to join forces with her to unravel the depths of the company?s deception.

Logline:? "When his wife appears on his organisation?s hitlist 10 years after they told him she was murdered, a nostalgic assassin seeks to join forces with her to unravel the depths of the company?s deception." (34 words)Protagonist: " a nostalgic…
on When a pirate, a princess, and an outlander discover that their crystal necklaces have magical powers, the three women go on an adventure that leads to saving the world from darkness.

This is an improvement, but it still suffers from some of the same problems, and new problems as the previous version Logline: "When a pirate, a princess, and an outlander discover that their crystal necklaces have magical powers, the three…
on The coming-of-age stories of a swashbuckling pirate, a rebellious princess, and an adventuring cuisinier. ★ Accepted

Please read through the formula tab at the top of the page, and also read through the loglines other people have posted and read through the feedback they receive. Doing this will help you to understand the format and elements…
on In 2161 time travel is common place, but highly regulated, when he?s shot, a cutthroat businessman?s consciousness is sent back in time by his life insurance company to prevent his upcoming murder, without disrupting the timeline too much or his provider cancels his contract.

"In 2161 time travel is common place, but highly regulated, when he?s shot, a cutthroat businessman?s consciousness is sent back in time by his life insurance company to prevent his upcoming murder, without disrupting the timeline too much or his…
on A special unit must survive against civilians that have turned into flesh-eating demons on a moving train that was hit by a strange meteor and get to the engine room before it crashes.

I think Richiev's suggestion addresses and fixes the things I would comment on, but it's a bit long at 36 words.? So I think his version is a great framework to use to trim and rework for revisions.Anyway, I'll address…
on When jealous masses stop buying lottery tickets after a naive numbers geek viral week-long jackpot winning spree, she must prove her prediction gift to world and a criminal lottery boss who wants her dead.

"When jealous masses stop buying lottery tickets after a naive numbers geek viral week-long jackpot winning spree, she must prove her prediction gift to world and a criminal lottery boss who wants her dead." (34 words) Inciting incident: "When jealous…
on When jealous masses stop buying lottery tickets after a naive numbers geek viral week-long jackpot winning spree, she must prove her prediction gift to world and a criminal lottery boss who wants her dead.

"When jealous masses stop buying lottery tickets after a naive numbers geek viral week-long jackpot winning spree, she must prove her prediction gift to world and a criminal lottery boss who wants her dead." (34 words) Inciting incident: "When jealous…
on In 2161 time travel is common place, but highly regulated, when he?s shot, a cutthroat businessman?s consciousness is sent back in time by his life insurance company to prevent his upcoming murder, without disrupting the timeline too much or his provider cancels his contract.

"A cutthroat businessman is sent back in time by his life insurance company to prevent his murder in 7 days." (20 words) Inciting incident: None described ---> I think this logline would benefit from an inciting incident. Why does he…