benny

Logliner · 676 points

1,824 points to Mentor

9 loglines
24 reviews

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Logliner

Loglines

A desperate father decides not to rob a bank after receiving a loving call from his wife, but a corrupt cop blackmails him to proceed or face arrest for the stolen car and intent to commit a felony. (36) – For a short 6 minute screenplay

June 16, 2019
When an innocent man with amnesia convicted of murder wakes inside reality TV prison series, he learns that killing inmates is the only path to proving his innocence and gaining freedom.

February 9, 2018
When his friend is kidnapped by ruthless thugs, an ex con trying to get his life together, must save her using ninja skills accidentally acquired through a backyard sobriety experiment. Comedy/Drama

October 21, 2017
A broke bounty hunter with schizophrenia and down to his final pill, must catch an elusive fugitive in extremely isolated territory before his hallucinations kick in.

August 21, 2017
1

After being framed for assault, an indigenous basketballer from the Australian outback, must prove himself innocent before his scholarship to play for a college in the USA expires.

March 13, 2017
An indigenous ward of the state is released from juvenile prison and fostered to a reputable white family who threaten to lie to his parole officer and get him incarcerated, unless he helps them with a heist.

March 1, 2017
When a young ward of the state is fostered to a crazy family planning a heist, he sets out to find his real father before being forced to engage in criminal activities that will see him back in juvenile prison.

February 18, 2017
A street stupid teen struggles to sell methamphetamine looted from a crimescene to fund his dream of making it big in Hollywood, as he’s pursued by a psychopath cop.

July 1, 2016
When a teenager loots methamphetamine from a crime scene, he must sell to it to pay for his dads failing business before the owner, a psychopathic cop, hunts him down.

April 9, 2016

Recent reviews

on When an innocent man with amnesia convicted of murder wakes inside reality TV prison series, he learns that killing inmates is the only path to proving his innocence and gaining freedom.

Thanks Nir... I've been pretty excited with all the brainstorming notes I have on this one. And yes you have some very good questions. Nothing is set in stone and there is definitely room to shuffle this one around until…
on When an innocent man with amnesia convicted of murder wakes inside reality TV prison series, he learns that killing inmates is the only path to proving his innocence and gaining freedom.

NO it's nothing like The Running man. After hours of brainstorming my concept the last two nights I was kind of disappointed it sounder similar when in its shortened version. Why I am talking to myself.
on When his friend is kidnapped by ruthless thugs, an ex con trying to get his life together, must save her using ninja skills accidentally acquired through a backyard sobriety experiment. Comedy/Drama

Thanks moviefreak81 Firstly I'm honoured to be your first and don't worry you don't need to be an expert to comment here. If you have a genuine interest in films and take the time to review peoples loglines then your…
on A moody princess meets two men at the edge of forest and takes advantage of their good nature, but one of the men take something else from her.

I am by no means an expert in this field but first glance at the logline feels like I'm about to watch? porn
on A broke bounty hunter with schizophrenia and down to his final pill, must catch an elusive fugitive in extremely isolated territory before his hallucinations kick in.

I know that stakes may not seem high but I'm struggling to fit in to my already packed logline the outcomes of him being unmedicated. There's a dark secret he carries and one he convinces himself was just a hallucination…
on After being framed for assault, an indigenous basketballer from the Australian outback, must prove himself innocent before his scholarship to play for a college in the USA expires.

Thanks for the feedback all, and again I agree with most of what you're saying. I have put together two alternative versions based on our discussions and your quality feedback. I personally think Option 2 is where I'm heading to…
on After being framed for assault, an indigenous basketballer from the Australian outback, must prove himself innocent before his scholarship to play for a college in the USA expires.

I know there's two sets of stakes here. The threat of imprisonment and losing the opportunity to play the big leagues. Is this a bad thing story wise or does it just make it more dramatic? This character has a…
on An indigenous ward of the state is released from juvenile prison and fostered to a reputable white family who threaten to lie to his parole officer and get him incarcerated, unless he helps them with a heist.

You both raise good points thank you.
on An indigenous ward of the state is released from juvenile prison and fostered to a reputable white family who threaten to lie to his parole officer and get him incarcerated, unless he helps them with a heist.

This is a review of a previous logline.
on When a young ward of the state is fostered to a crazy family planning a heist, he sets out to find his real father before being forced to engage in criminal activities that will see him back in juvenile prison.

Reviewed logline: An indigenous state ward is released from Juvenile prison and fostered to a reputable white family, who threaten to lie to his parole officer and get him incarcerated unless he helps them with a heist. I assume I…
on When a young ward of the state is fostered to a crazy family planning a heist, he sets out to find his real father before being forced to engage in criminal activities that will see him back in juvenile prison.

Sorry dpg I missed the final paragraph of your previous reply. I hadn't honestly thought to have my MC as indigenous Australian but I am now. Our policy is very similar to that of the Native American orphans. In most…
on When a young ward of the state is fostered to a crazy family planning a heist, he sets out to find his real father before being forced to engage in criminal activities that will see him back in juvenile prison.

LOGLINE REVIEW: When a ward of the state is fostered out to a family of crooks who claim to know where his real father is, he?s blackmailed into assisting them with a heist at the risk of going back to…
on When a young ward of the state is fostered to a crazy family planning a heist, he sets out to find his real father before being forced to engage in criminal activities that will see him back in juvenile prison.

I don't like the word 'young' now that I've re-read it, as 'Wards Of The State' are always assumed to be young. I will however change this to add in his flaw after reviewing some feedback. I assume it's recommended…
on A street stupid teen struggles to sell methamphetamine looted from a crimescene to fund his dream of making it big in Hollywood, as he’s pursued by a psychopath cop.

Thanks Dkpough1. I agree that a time out will be a good idea. I was heading along that line anyway. I had a quick scan of my script this morning and I've come to the conclusion that I've put so…
on A street stupid teen struggles to sell methamphetamine looted from a crimescene to fund his dream of making it big in Hollywood, as he’s pursued by a psychopath cop.

Thank you Nir Shelter. Yes, definitely some resistance on my behalf and I didn't view any comments made by your good self as pretentious, quite the opposite actually. It's great people are taking time out of their day to provide…
on A street stupid teen struggles to sell methamphetamine looted from a crimescene to fund his dream of making it big in Hollywood, as he’s pursued by a psychopath cop.

Again some valuable words dpg, I appreciate the constructive thought you put into your replies. To answer your question this is a feature film script. My first actually. Being as anxious as I am I began the writing process well…
on After tipping off police to his brother’s latest heist, a torn man must struggle to escape the consequences while keeping the loot; but when his brother is released on bail, he must learn where his true loyalty lies before losing the people most dear to him.

Something I'm also struggling with on my own logline is making people sympathetic toward my MC due to his criminal behaviour. I think if you can make this happen and keep your word count down you're on the right track.
on A street stupid teen struggles to sell methamphetamine looted from a crimescene to fund his dream of making it big in Hollywood, as he’s pursued by a psychopath cop.

Thanks once again dpg. You are right WW's motives to have the money there for his family were purely unselfish. Was this really his motive for continuing the criminal activity though? Perhaps building the Heisenburg brand became addictive? Perhaps the…
on A street stupid teen struggles to sell methamphetamine looted from a crimescene to fund his dream of making it big in Hollywood, as he’s pursued by a psychopath cop.

Thank you Erica. The "street stupid teen" is meant to describe his flaw which will give him an instant disadvantage when it comes to achieving his goal of selling the meth. Thank you for the alternative option but I really…
on A street stupid teen struggles to sell methamphetamine looted from a crimescene to fund his dream of making it big in Hollywood, as he’s pursued by a psychopath cop.

Great I didn't see the edit tool cheers dpg. Yes what you say is true it's hard to root for a drug dealer. But there really are so many reasons to root for this character which I'll work on summarizing…