A self-focused haematologist battles thousands of enemies to reach her boyfriend and save their relationship after learning he plans to dump her when he returns from a week long live-action role-playing tournament.

You raised a number of issues; I wish I had time to respond in full. Suffice to say for now that I have always considered loglines to be about selling the sizzle, not the describing the steak.

IMHO, the sizzle in your logline is not hematology, nor a self-centered character, nor being dumped. The sizzle is the social phenomenon of LARP. That's what makes your concept stand out. LARP is a social phenomenon begging for someone to write a script about. I hope yours is the first to be sold sold and produced.

FWIW: focus on the sizzle in the logline, the steak in the script.

nicholasandrewhalls:

You raised a number of issues I wish I had the time to respond to. Suffice to say for now that I have always considered loglines to be about selling the sizzle, not the describing the steak.

IMHO, the sizzle in your logline is not hematology, or a self-centered character, or being dumped. The sizzle -- what makes your story stand out as something unique and intriguing -- is the social phenomenon of LARP. It's a phenomenon begging for some to write a script about. I hope yours is the first that gets sold and produced.

FWIW: focus on the sizzle in the logline, the steak in the script.

Hi Nicholasandrewhalls --

I think this has potential -- but my main issue with it, I guess, is a story one -- in that, I find it hard to swallow that a professional woman would go to such lengths to save a relationship with someone who is into LARPing -- -not to rag on the pastime -- but it has always seemed associated with...dare I say it-- nerds (again -- really no offence intended if this happens to be something you're into :) )... or maybe a bit adolescent -- (I know adults who are into it -- but I hope you see what I mean...) Thinking of a female doctor that's prepared to go to such lengths to SAVE this relationship just doesn't sit right with me. It could be what makes it startlingly original though... -- or it could be what makes it work on another level...

What if she enters the LARP to seek revenge upon him? They have this relationship... she's always looked down upon the LARP world he's into -- she's an uptight career focused Dr... he's a jerk... she busts him cheating on her with some LARP wench --- and her plan begins...? ... she gets so obsessed with revenge that her career wanes, but she learns that life is for living (or something along those lines) though her conquering of the LARP.

'When a career obsessed doctor catches her Live Action Role Playing obsessed boyfriend cheating on her, she secretly joins the LARP to destroy his dream of winning the national championship.'

Bit of a mouthful -- but I think there definitely needs to be a reference to LARP-- using the full term in reference to the boyfriend then makes it plain as to what it means and the acronym can be used later in the logline...

-- again, don't mean to mess with your story -- but if this was my baby it would be the road I'd go down.

Best of luck with it.