Agreed with Richiev the order of the descriptions should match the order of the events in the plot - inciting incident first goal last. I'll add that it's a bit hard to believe he can solve the murders himself with no prior experience, perhaps then make him a crime thriller director. Directing a crime thriller is no qualification but can at least hint that he did some research and learned about the world he's about to dive head first into. This could also indicate that he will rely on tropes and cliches? which could result in some funny or awkward moments for him.