8 reviews
The latest draft doesn't pin a strong dramatic need up against an equally strong obstacle. Her dream to find true love is a cliche and heavily relies on the audience empathy with the MC, since this is a film and the audience have only just been introduced to the MC, I can't see that happening - we all want love, what's so special about this character wanting it as well?
Her abandoning the arranged marriage is not an inciting incident, rather it's an action she takes in response to a planned event. If, however, she were to un expectedly fall in love (like in the original logline), then it could be seen as an out of the ordinary event that motivated her to take action. The problem then is that this becomes a girl meets boy story, and as with all good girl meets boy stories you need a strong force standing in the way of the lovers being together.
The fact that her family is Muslim is simply not enough, she lives in Norway in 2017 and chances are she has been exposed to Western cultures to the point that archaic traditions such as arranged marriages no longer have a strong hold over her, and the repercussions to her family are negligible. As I previously noted, if they were to be located in a Muslim country where such traditions still are the norm, then the stakes could be seen as high enough for her problem to seem interesting.
Thanks to all of you i did a rewrite here:
When she abandones her arranged marriage with a dream to find a man she love, a young emigrant in Norway must fight for her dream against her betrothed who is determined to stop her.
The stakes aren't clear enough