choshnic10

Penpusher · 156 points

144 points to Logliner

3 loglines
4 reviews

A disgruntled actress attempts to renew her U.S. residency by agreeing to help a politician fabricate a personable image in a reality TV show about the Arizona hierarchy.

November 14, 2017
1

A secretly gay detective in the 1940’s must investigate the murder of the man with whom he had a love affair with.

June 14, 2017
1

A misanthropic social media influencer pursues an aspiring actress when he sees her as his potential wife from a fortunetelling cigar in hopes that she?ll revive his fading career.

May 30, 2017

on A woman stands up one man for another because he is nicer, so she thought. She soon discovers he’s a serial killer and her life depends on the first man to send that psycho to hell.

The "protagonist" has no consequences stacked up against her. She also has no goal. Why is she doing this? Readers can already tell she'll be a flat character. WHO THE STORY IS ABOUT, WANTS SOMETHING VERY BADLY BUT MUST DO…
on On the verge of quitting his job to get married, a presumptuous man gets curiously rejected when proposing to his girlfriend and therefore hires a private investigator to investigate her reasons; but when he discovers that the PI has been following the wrong girl all along and feeding him false information, he must learn to listen to others selflessly before his girlfriend discovers that she’s being investigated.

This sounds more like a synopsis. Dwindle it down to its bare story which I presume is a man hiring a detective to investigate his girlfriend. I think the last part of it makes it seem too much like a…
on Rework: As Galactic Police become victims in a series of murders, the frazzled Investigator must catch the contract killer and the secretive mastermind, to protect his own family.

What is the central story? There are three story lines but no central protagonist.
on A rewrite: When a young Muslim emigrant woman finds love with a Norwegian man, her betrothed vows to stop them at all costs.

The stakes aren't clear enough