A religious man with a serial-killer split personality struggles to suppress his sinister side while evading the detective who apprehended him in the first place.

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4 reviews

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

Understood to clarify;

Evading the detective is every crime story ever told. What does he want specifically? Get to Alaska and live free? Cross the border to Mexico? etc?

Aslo How is he specifically going to achieve it? Dress like a rabbi to through the cops off? Dress like a woman? Travel at night? etc?

With no inciting incident, no specific action and with no specific goal described the plot is unclear.

shaankle Penpusher · 1 pts

Thank you for the feedback. He actually used to be a priest! Hmm I thought the logline does describe a plot. That he's evading the detective. It's essentially an escape and runaway plot. I guess I could make that clearer. Also, you're right about no mention of the inciting incident. I'll work that in. Thanks!

Rutger Oosterhoff Samurai · 930 pts

Father I'm here to confess my sins (long pause) Yes my son....