shaankle

Penpusher · 1 points

299 points to Logliner

6 loglines
17 reviews

A newly telepathic psychiatrist takes matters into his own hands when he detects his patient?s increasingly abusive marriage.

August 19, 2015
An apathetic psychiatrist wakes up with the ability to sense and absorb psychological distress, so when he detects a patient?s toxic marriage, he is compelled to help her escape her abusive husband without revealing his secret.

August 11, 2015
When a former priest on death row breaks out of prison, all he wants is a fresh start, but his serial-killer split personality only makes it harder for him to evade the FBI? and the lethal injection.

August 5, 2015
When a passive psychiatrist?s patient discovers his secret ability to sense and absorb people?s mental distress, she pressures him to challenge his exploitative boss in order to pursue his dream of starting a nonprofit practice.

August 1, 2015
A religious man with a serial-killer split personality struggles to suppress his sinister side while evading the detective who apprehended him in the first place.

June 26, 2015
A stubbornly independent man and his team of professional muggers need to stop a new rival team that doesn?t abide by the rules of mugging etiquette.

June 26, 2015

on A newly telepathic psychiatrist takes matters into his own hands when he detects his patient?s increasingly abusive marriage.

I used detects because I felt it most clearly described that he deduced it from the use of his powers. The patient keeps the abuse a secret.
on A newly telepathic psychiatrist takes matters into his own hands when he detects his patient?s increasingly abusive marriage.

Obviously this is just a logline, so I cannot fit the answers to all those questions without making it ridiculously long and wordy.
on A newly telepathic psychiatrist takes matters into his own hands when he detects his patient?s increasingly abusive marriage.

I forgot to add that bit. The logline should have been: "A newly telepathic psychiatrist takes matters into his own hands to save his patient when he detects her increasingly abusive marriage."
on When a former priest on death row breaks out of prison, all he wants is a fresh start, but his serial-killer split personality only makes it harder for him to evade the FBI? and the lethal injection.

The inciting incident is his split-personality breaks him out of prison, and when he arrives in a new city, he finds a house and falls in love with it, making it his goal to gain enough money to purchase it.
on When a former priest on death row breaks out of prison, all he wants is a fresh start, but his serial-killer split personality only makes it harder for him to evade the FBI? and the lethal injection.

Is it not clear that his goal is a fresh start? It seemed to me that was definitive enough of a goal. In my previous draft of the logline, I had that his goal was to settle down?, which speaks…
on Hazel and Augustus, two teenagers who meet in a cancer support group travel to Amsterdam and discover the depths of love, pain, and sacrifice.

A lot of the core elements of a logline are missing. -Protagonist: who is the Protagonist. Hazel or Augustus? You must make that clear. -A clear goal: "discover the depths of love..." is very vague and is very unclear about…
on When a passive psychiatrist?s patient discovers his secret ability to sense and absorb people?s mental distress, she pressures him to challenge his exploitative boss in order to pursue his dream of starting a nonprofit practice.

Yea, I now realize that that is unclear. The psychiatrist is the one with the abilities. It?s a short!
on When a passive psychiatrist?s patient discovers his secret ability to sense and absorb people?s mental distress, she pressures him to challenge his exploitative boss in order to pursue his dream of starting a nonprofit practice.

Oh good catch! It indeed is unclear which person has the ability. FYI, the Psychiatrist has the abilities.
on A religious man with a serial-killer split personality struggles to suppress his sinister side while evading the detective who apprehended him in the first place.

Thank you for the feedback. He actually used to be a priest! Hmm I thought the logline does describe a plot. That he's evading the detective. It's essentially an escape and runaway plot. I guess I could make that clearer.…
on A stubbornly independent man and his team of professional muggers need to stop a new rival team that doesn?t abide by the rules of mugging etiquette.

By "stubbornly independent", I mean that's the protagonist's greatest flaw. I believe it's always essential to have a flaw or trait of the protagonist in the logline. I'm trying to get across that he's stubborn about letting others in and…