A racially maligned orphan prone to violence is unwillingly thrust into politics and must fight for those who have vilified her to avoid civil war as well as protect her friends

Untitled novel project

8 reviews

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

Thanks guys, I appreciate the advice. I'm thinking I may have to scrap this one and try a new one. Will try again later!

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

Agreed with the above comments time and place seam important in this case and the character description is unnecessarily complicated.

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

Comment:
Cheers dpg. I had previously passed on putting the setting in as it is a fairly generic fantasy setting, and the worldbuilding side of my writing is definately weaker, so I was trying to avoid a definitive setting that may restrict the rest if the rewrites, but I take your point that it currently looks like it is entirely without setting, whuch detracts from its appeal. I may need to head back to the drawing board for that one.

Regarding 'racially maligned', she basically has a horrible childhood of broken bones, bruises, cages etc because of people's? preconception that she is a savage. Not sure how else to put it in the line and keep it brief though, as its not quite persecuted, and the enslaveme t doesn't happen until next book! Maybe simply 'An orphan, bullied through her childhood for her race/skin,' as an opening?