Nathan Phillips

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

1 logline
4 reviews

A racially maligned orphan prone to violence is unwillingly thrust into politics and must fight for those who have vilified her to avoid civil war as well as protect her friends

July 22, 2015

on A racially maligned orphan prone to violence is unwillingly thrust into politics and must fight for those who have vilified her to avoid civil war as well as protect her friends

Thanks Nir. Regarding the civil war/protect her friends, I've had similar feedback from the off-line realm, so I'll cut that out of the line. Regarding the politics side, the connection is complex, and I'm not sure it even belongs in…
on In an apocalyptic winter filled with zombies, Juliet is on a rampage to kill Romeo at all costs.

I think the reason you should add the stakes is because the logline is not what you should be using to hook the audience. To quote the guidelines from this page, the point of a logline is to "demonstrate that…
on When his wife is kidnapped, a modern-day sorcerer (and NYC detective) hunts down her sadistic captor; but when the trail goes cold and even his supernatural friends can't help him, he must learn that love is the most powerful magic of all, before his wife is lost forever.

I'm pretty new at this, but I think leaving the 'before' clause gives an urgency to the line, which adds credibility to the idea that a cynic/weary character would turn to an unlikely source of assistance. However, I'm not sure…
on A recently divorced doctor and an entrepreneur facing an existential crisis, form an unlikely partnership and take the help of earthly wizards to overcome the trials of life.

Same again, there line sounds interesting, but lacks clarity. 'Trials of life' is ambiguous, and there term 'earthly wizards' is confusing; is the MC not from Earth? That said, it is still possible to see a potential story within the…

A racially maligned orphan prone to violence is unwillingly thrust into politics and must fight for those who have vilified her to avoid civil war as well as protect her friends