4 reviews
Joseph Stalin once said, "When writing a logline, you kill one person, it's a tragedy, kill a million and it's a statistic" (I think he said that anyway)
In a logline, it helps to put a face to the tragedy. It draws people into the story.
Agreed with Richiev and Craig. The action that leads the MC to victory is what will make this an interesting story. Secondly, it would strengthen the logline if you describe the inciting incident first, for example: After losing his land in the global financial crisis, a Sioux Chief must...
I'll also add that "...Sioux..." is unclear a description - there are many people who will likely not be familiar with this particular tribe. I think just Chief would do, perhaps add a flaw to give him depth.
The ?destroy? is the story. How is he going to do it? Can you tell us, that will impact the feedback.