A dynamic young woman (witness and rescuer) and a reporter of the National Geographic (safe passenger) meet on the scene of a train crash. Over the course of seven days, while the disaster consequences fade and despite the increasing hostility of her father, they grow closer up to a bond; then a lasting union while her father will be won over under pressure from her maid and confidante.

Hi Tony,

I think that "DEMAIN JE ME TUE" is a good story. What I know about it is that it is inpired from a real story of collective suicide in Japan, several years ago. BLuecat is one of the most serious contests.
I don't know if it is on the way to be produced.

About me, I have no feedback for now from people who have asked me for my logline (3 producers and one director).
Maybe hoping to see Alice Ashton on screen increased from 1 chance in 10.000 to 1 in 500 chance?
Wait and see ...

Do you subscribe to feedback when you enter a contest ?
I do, and it helped me to improve this story. I started in March 2012 and I rewrote a lot of things before entering Screenplay Festival in May. Alice Ashton entered five contests last year ( Page, Nicholl, Cynosure SF and Bluecat). An other good help was the feedback from my proofreader translator.
And also, if your first reader is interested by your story, it is a good luck.

Since then, I still have rewritten a lot. If I had no response about my logline, i'll enter some more contests this summer (Bluecat + others)

Reading what I wrote in the spots above, I see a lot of mistakes (grammar, spelling,...) I apologize!

Kind regards.

Thanks Tony,

For now, I have no feedback from people who have asked me for my logline (3 producers and one director).
Maybe hoping to see Alice Ashton on screen increased from 1 chance in 10,000 to 1 in 100 chance?
Wait and see ...

Reading what I wrote above, I see a lot of mistakes (grammar, seppling,...) I apologize!

I agree with you on DEMAIN JE ME TUE -- If I was a Reader and saw this logline I would not want to know more, and if someone posted it on here I'm sure it would get a fair amount of criticism...

I'd be interested to know if it's on the way to being produced (?) -- as from what I know on competitions the chances of this happening are not actually that high. You are obviously an exception though, as your screenplay has had some success in a competition and you have some wheels in motion -- gives me some hope for myself on that front as I had pretty much discounted competitions.

For me, a logline would be used to send to Agents and Prod Co's that accept unsolicited query's -- If they dig it then usually the next step is you get to send a synopsis, and only after that do you have a shot at getting a screenplay read (most won't accept full scripts unsolicited -- the 'gold rush' days of spec scripts sounds like it's long gone...) -- again, I'm definitely in the 'Up and Coming' basket -- having not produced so much as a short -- but here's hoping one day...;)

Lastly -- I'm not one for logline contests -- it's one of the best things about this site IMO -- everyone is here (most of the time, anyway) to help each other out as opposed to compete.

Many kind regards :)

I tried to rewrite the logline of "FAMILY PLOT" with less of 30 words. Here is the result (28 words) :

"Two misfits hope to wangle $10,000 by locating a wealthy woman?s sole heir but find themselves in deep water, discovering he?s a kidnapper who?d rather not be found"

There is logline contests:

- Three Lines or Less ( http://tlljournal.com/ ) - monthly
- an other one I don't remember the name. Something like "less of 25 words"

The provisional logline of the other story I'm currently cooking "Who scanned XX?" (WGAW # 1642374 ? USCO case # 1-911996921) was a finalist of the march 2013 TLL contest.

Hi Tony Edward,

There is no trick behind this. I just posted these three loglines to give you a little fun. :-)

About DEMAIN JE ME TUE (Pierre Chance) : Four strangers in life find a bond in death?

I don't find it good because it tells nothing about the plot. It could apply to anything resulting in four dead people or more (war, crash, hold-up,...). Pierre Chance would not won if he was judged on this logline I think.

By cons, I think that it's a great tagline

You're wright about screenplay contests and this is just what I wanted to reveal :
As a non establish screenwriter, if you want that people of the art read your story, you don't need any logline, you need to enter contests.

A Jean-Marie,

hmmm... Am I smelling the sweet smell of subterfuge?

Just for what it's worth -- When I give feedback in regards to loglines posted on this site I'm giving it with a mind that the writers of the loglines are not established screenwriters. There's a huge difference between what established screenwriters and what up and comers trying to break in to the industry can get away with. The two groups use loglines in very different ways. The first group (the Established) don't have to rely upon their logline to get their screenplays read by a Producer/ Agent/ Production Company etc (in most cases, anyway...), and are mainly used to develop the story and or for marketing purposes (and in the latter cases, may not actually have a lot to do with the development of the logline...) -- not so with the second group (The Up and Comers...i.e most of us folks using this site...) -- yes for story development and marketing -- but I'd say mainly to get their screenplay actually read by someone with influence to get their film made. For this purpose I'd say it would be of huge benefit to ensure the logline is as well structured as possible (or -- as succinct as possible...) -- as the logline not only represents your film, but is also representing you as a professional talented screenwriter (the Up and Comers have no proven track record as yet...) A poorly structured logline is a dead giveaway that the author is not a professional -- You might have a killer hook -- but if the logline is clumsy, is someone going to want to bet the value of their house on your abilities to write a killer script? I doubt it. This of course is just my humble opinion.

Some Fun Facts:

'It's a Wonderful Life - (Frank Capra) - 1946" -- His 46th produced film.

Family Plot? (Alfred Hitchcock) - 1976" -- His 59th and last produced film.

DEMAIN JE ME TUE? (Pierre Chance) Winner of the 2013 Bluecat Screenplay Competition -- A logline does not gain you entry into film competitions (as far as I know) -- you just need to pay the admission fee which ensures your screenplay will be at least read. ;)

Anyways -- hope you understand where I'm coming from.

Much continued success and best wishes.

Hi Guys,

Here are the replies for these three loglines:

Four strangers in life find a bond in death?
= "DEMAIN JE ME TUE" (Pierre Chance) Winner of the 2013 Bluecat Screenplay Competition

A bogus spiritualist and an amateur actor hope to con a wealthy woman out of $10,000 by locating her sole heir ? a nephew given up for adoption under shady circumstances ? but find they are in deep water as the nephew turns out to be a kidnapper who?d rather not be found?
= "FAMILY PLOT" (Alfred Hitchcock) 1976

A family man struggles to escape small town America for a more successful life in the big city. When his constant efforts fail, he contemplates suicide but his guardian angel visits
and the man experiences what the world would be like if he had never been born?
= "IT?S A WONDERFUL LIFE" (Frank Capra) 1946

Hi guys,
The logline is sent.

I don't forget the jealous pets. I think I could write something funny with this.

Thank you very much Guys,

It seems that I hold the right track

I cannot put any stepmother in my story because the real mother of Alice is also a major character of this story as she is well living in the hearts of Alice, her father Benjamin and Zelda, and as she is the spirit of this home.

Here is a part of a dialogue between Alice and Phil. It explains why Zelda is also a major character of this story:

---

"EXT. COUNTRYSIDE DAY
Alice and Phil on foot, each holding his own horse, in front of a gravestone on which is written ALINE ASHTON-ROS. Alice places a flower on the grave.

PHIL
Aline is not a common first name.

ALICE
Mom was French. She came to the States to complete her English degree. She never left.

Pause...

ALICE
Mom died when I was nine. I saw her suffering for three years, when I began to understand what suffering is. Zelda arrived at that time.
She took care of Mom until her death. She pampered and cherished her until the last day. Dad was lost. He just didn?t know what to do...
This is the time when I lost faith.
Anyway, it had never been something really solid. It was a faith I had been taught, with its stories and rituals, lots of funny things for a curious little girl...
It could not match this suffering.
I had no theory about the existence or nonexistence of God. However, religious discourse had become unbearable to me."

---

As I said on an other post, the logline is the last thing I write in a screenplay. My story is complete and currently proofread by an american professional translator, and I must give my logline tomorow to two producers.

If I manage to sell it, many things will need to be rewritten to please the producer, the director, ...work for 2 years.
... Maybe I'll can introduce a neighboring owner widow who would appeal to Benjamin and he might marry (his obsession is to marry Alice to a nearby ranch owner to enlarge the property).

This story takes place today, during indian summer, somewhere in the north of the USA between Seattle and Chicago: Montana, North or South Dakota, Minnesota .

I'm cooking an other story for Hollywood. I currently write the treatment. maybe i'll put a provisional logline on Logline.It in a few days to gather some feedback.

Yes, much better. To the point.

I'm good with either version of your revised logline as tweeked:

"After meeting the man of her life, a young woman must struggle to overcome the opposition of her domineering widower father with the help of her stepmother." (27 words)

Having established the fundamental conflict and goal, I'm not sure it's necessary to introduce the stepmother (as we call them in English) in the logline. So:

"After meeting the man of her life, a young woman must struggle to overcome the opposition of her domineering widower father." (21) words.

A maid as the ally instead of an adopted mother? I might flip a coin on that one. Although I lean toward the step mother. It seems to me that would introduce more interesting family dynamics and conflicts.

Now that the logline focuses more narrowly on the opposing parties, daughter versus domineering father, an ironic subplot occurs to me: could her ally be a family friend/neighbor widow who in the process of trying to get her father to agree to the marriage, causes the father to fall in love with her?

Just a thought -- it's your story, Jean-Marie -- and beyond the scope of the logline. What really matters is that your revised logline now stimulates my imagination as the earlier version did not. So even if you don't like my idea, it is always a good sign (to me) when a logline gets me brainstorming.

Best wishes with your script.

Nice work -- leaps and bounds from the original. I'd go the Allen Palmer version, and personally, would only change a couple of things..

'After she meets the love of her life, a young woman struggles to overcome her domineering father with the help of her something/ maid'

...but this is just my personal taste... Your revised logline gives us the spine of the story... but I'm still most intrigued by the maid.... which is cool. ;)

But one parting question -- when and where is it set?

Continued success and happy writings :)