A down-on-his-luck videographer breaks his estranged mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber – a million-dollar Bitcoin.
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3 reviews
There's definitely something here but I think the motivation for the bitcoin needs to be apparent to the reader. Currently, I feel like the only reason he's going after it is because he's down on his luck. I also think you need to clarify why he MUST break his mum out of prison - she has to be a master criminal/hacker. It's a comedy so some absurdity in the situation will be expected but we have to believe they are remotely capable of this.
The issue I have with a bitcoin being the prize... it's a digital currency. So are we simply going to watch a guy and his master hacker mum sitting at a computer for 90mins? How do you even steal a bitcoin?
Why videographer? How does this play in? Doesn't necessarily have to be apparent in the logline, but I think a logline works better when there's a continuous and obvious connection between the words chosen.
Why is nobody else trying to steal this bitcoin?
If they're bungling idiots, how have they got a chance of succeeding? We watch Home Alone and we know from the start, the 8 year old is gonna win. If these guys are the protagonists, we have to want them succeed - so we have to believe they can.
Very interested to see where this goes though.
Hope this helps.
Based on the input thus far, this is where I am now with the logline:
A bankrupt cameraman breaks his estranged master thief mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber ? a million-dollar Bitcoin.
OR
Should I change "master thief " to something completely ridiculous - like pickpocketing? Breaking out mom because she has master thief skills to steal makes sense but not funny, him breaking out mom because she stole some wallets and he thinks that's enough to pull this heist off is funny.
A bankrupt cameraman breaks his estranged pickpocketing mother out of prison to steal the grand prize from a filthy rich YouTuber ? a million-dollar Bitcoin.
Suggestions are welcome, I would love to get a laugh out of the logline.
Sounds like a fun comedy, Odie! I love concepts with two totally different main characters going against each other, especially in a fun and idiotic way ;)
After I read your response to Mike I have a few questions:
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- Does the mother help him in winning the prize or is she just a bystander?
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- Is the grand prize just an excuse from the videographer or does he actually want to win the prize? (You wrote it is just a red herring, that's why I ask)
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- Do you want to focus your story on the relationship of these two? (I think that's where you're going right now)
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My advice to you is: Focus on the videographer and his estranged mother. I think this love-hate relationship has some great potential to make us laugh. Reminds me a little bit of Harry and Marv in Home alone :)