After lying to her co-workers about being in a relationship, a corporate control freak is forced to bring her ex-fiance with her on a family oriented work retreat

I Heart You

3 reviews

wilsondownunder Penpusher · 1 pts

Thanks for your comments. Lets see how the edited version goes.

FreelanceLance 0 pts

It's a decent rom-com premise, but there's a bit too much info in the logline. How about:

A corporate control freak is forced to bring her slacker ex-boyfriend on a family-oriented work retreat in order to maintain her lie about being in a relationship.

I don't think it's necessary to say why she told the lie in the logline, unless that element is a vital part of the story.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

"After lying about her marital status, a corporate control freak is forced to bring her uncouth unemployed ex to a corporate retreat to avoid her fabrication being discovered."

(If her ex was also a part of "Occupy Wall street" there could be some fun conflict in this)