8 reviews
Hard to add anything of much value to this thread, but I will say that a mix of martial arts and monarch drama sounds very interesting.
I look forward to reading future drafts of this.
You need to tie the wisdom and kung fu to the threat and goal.
I think you need to clarify the goal - the king must overcome the evils of the royal family in order to..... what's at stake? or else? ?Also the king doesn't seem to have any flaws, only strengths...
It seems to be missing an inciting incident.
It is important to word a logline so it can only be read one way.
In your logline you use the term 'future king'
If you mean he will one day be a king you should use the term: Crown Prince
If you mean he is a king who lives in the future you should say: In the future, a King...
This will help avoid confusion
When a story begins, everything is normal, it may not be normal for you and me but it is the norm for the character.
For instance a young girl lives in the middle of nowhere Kansas, she doesn't like it there and wishes she could leave.
Then something happens; a tornado picks up her house and drops her and her dog Toto in the magical land of OZ
As a direct result of this event the character must do something, The character will have a goal and a usually must achieve something to accomplish that goal
for instance, the young girl must get back home (Goal) and in order to achieve that goal she must get to the Wizard
who lives in the Emerald city.
When the story concludes the young girl who thought her little town was horrible, now understands there is no place like home.
There is character growth.
What you have described in your logline is 'life as normal'
What event happens which will cause your character to have a goal?
Add that and your logline will improve greatly
Hope that helped.