Roberto Alto

671 points

1,829 points to Mentor

13 loglines
22 reviews

Loglines

When an orphaned dropout joins an off-grid commune to evade a hometown scandal, but secretly returns to claim an inheritance, he must fight off reporters and protestors who follow him and destroy his commune, which he must rebuild with his windfall.

September 18, 2017
When a grandson running from a media scandal ends up joining a commune, he is encouraged to visit his hometown and claim what’s his, to his surprise, an inheritance left by his adopted grandparents. But when he finds himself fighting off TV reporters who follow him to his new commune, he realizes that by publicly accepting a family secret, he can thwart them off indefinitely and claim leadership of a new commune he builds with his windfall.

September 17, 2017
When allegations prompt a rising Senior to permanently leave home, he must feign loyalty to a commune that hides him so he can attain residency there and take his GED.

September 6, 2017
When a star-struck young buck is forced to hide out in an off-grid commune to evade the police, using the identity he constructed to attain his anonymity allows him to win over the group, who decides to make him their new leader, even after he confesses to a past crime.

September 3, 2017
After abandoning adoptive grandparents who later do not survive a crime he feels he instigated, a Texas senior must defeat hometown demons that follow him on his journey to find a place he can safely call home.

August 26, 2017
After witnessing his grandfather’s murder, a New Mexico high school senior has a nervous breakdown and travels to Taos to remake his life – assuming false personas that are inspired by magazines he collects – while being pursued by his grandfather’s killer, who he discovers is one of his best friends.

August 25, 2017
After the abrupt revelation of a family secret forced a now twice orphaned boy into a life of seedy trailer parks, he sets out on a last-ditch journey to assemble a cast of family members he needs to make a home of his own.

August 23, 2017
After a twister transports a lonely Kansas farm girl to a magical land, she sets out on a dangerous journey to find a wizard with the powers to send her home.

August 23, 2017
When a TV program is set to launch an expose on a commune, a member who sought refuge in the group because his grandfather’s murder was instigated by the media, devices a plan to sabotage the TV network and protect his identity.

August 21, 2017
When an emo-themed magazine is accused of causing a rash of suicides among young girls, a new editor is hired to change its editorial direction. Before starting, the new editor decides to dig deeper into the past editor?s affairs and discovers that an inmate, who believes she was wrongly accused of murder by the neighbor?s babysitter, was controlling the magazine from prison.

August 16, 2017
When a high school dance instructor is accused of molesting the principal?s son, a public dance carefully choreographed to expose the real perpetrator ? to everyone?s surprise, the school?s biggest donor ? inspires school officials to rename the school?s auditorium honoring the accused.

August 16, 2017
When a widow realizes that the ongoing completion of her late husband?s life?s work — an adventure park — is depleting her entire inheritance, she decides to integrate a working village in the park to generate income and inadvertently attracts a cult.

August 16, 2017
When a commune agrees to full coverage in a TV program, the group’s newest member, on the lam from media attacks that led to a family murder, devices a plan to sabotage the TV’s plan to protect his identity.

August 16, 2017

Recent reviews

on When an orphaned dropout joins an off-grid commune to evade a hometown scandal, but secretly returns to claim an inheritance, he must fight off reporters and protestors who follow him and destroy his commune, which he must rebuild with his windfall.

Yes, rebuilding the commune is the story, and rest is the back story, but I am still having trouble making it interesting and inserting irony.
on When allegations prompt a rising Senior to permanently leave home, he must feign loyalty to a commune that hides him so he can attain residency there and take his GED.

This is the problem with squeezing too much info. He runs away because he was named a key suspect but was later proved innocent, after he left, but his adopted grandparents didn't survive so he's orphaned. He can't and won't…
on A domesticated soldier must rekindle her killer instinct by a suicidal Drill Sergeant in order to assassinate her drug trafficking ex-husband before he’s elected President.

It sounds intriguing, but too much information. If you could only describe each person with one adjective describing good, moderate, or bad behavior , how would you do this? This is a good excercise to get at the core of…
on When an agoraphobic author meets his dream girl, a country star, he starts a therapy to join her in public, but a meltdown on live TV reopens old wounds of his deceased love.

This is a bit cryptic. Why a television program, and what does this have to do with a fear of open spaces?
on A young Thomas Edison must win the top invention prize at the Worlds Fair to prove to his dream girl and her disapproving father that he is worthy before she marries a wealthy suitor.

I've done a lot of historical work on world's fairs and teach this topic at a university. There are so many things one could do with this. The one thing that comes to mind is that beyond the situation you…
on LITTLE EIFFEL – The improbable true story of how Gustave Eiffel fought against massive protests, construction fatalities, and structural issues to build the most visited monument on earth – The Eiffel Tower

Potentially a great story line for a movie. Love the title, but why Little? Does it imply something that happens? Intrigued architect here.
on A workaholic midwife becomes pregnant with twins after a drunken one night stand and with the help of her friends adjusts to her new life as a mother.

This sounds like a situation, and no more. Why twins? Does the one night stand figure into the story later? The ending is predictable - adjusting ones life to be a mother because you are pregnant.
on A young girl runs away from her sharecropping life to pursue her dream of becoming a blues legend.

This is a situation description, like, a man goes to college, or, mom goes to the neighbor's house. Just a situation. Do a parallel for the Wizard of Oz. This would produce something like, "a girl travels down a yellow…
on A moody princess meets two men at the edge of forest and takes advantage of their good nature, but one of the men take something else from her.

Is this a serious request?
on An aging radical’s suicide reunites seven of his college cohorts to mourn and reflect on the gap between their youthful ideals and their middle-aged conformity.

It sounds like an Abbie Hoffman movie.
on After abandoning adoptive grandparents who later do not survive a crime he feels he instigated, a Texas senior must defeat hometown demons that follow him on his journey to find a place he can safely call home. ★ Accepted

Singularity, I don't know what I can do to the log line to express what I just wrote - should I say the guy is a figment of his imagination?
on After abandoning adoptive grandparents who later do not survive a crime he feels he instigated, a Texas senior must defeat hometown demons that follow him on his journey to find a place he can safely call home.

Thank you! This is a great response. I would like to represent the "hometown demons" in the story as a character who keeps appearing. Yes, someone who represents his own feelings of guilt and fear for the town and family…
on After witnessing his grandfather’s murder, a New Mexico high school senior has a nervous breakdown and travels to Taos to remake his life – assuming false personas that are inspired by magazines he collects – while being pursued by his grandfather’s killer, who he discovers is one of his best friends.

I was working on a variation of the movie Nurse Betty: "After witnessing the murder of her deadbeat husband, a Kansas housewife has a nervous breakdown and travels to Los Angeles in order to find the "love of her life"…
on When a TV program is set to launch an expose on a commune, a member who sought refuge in the group because his grandfather’s murder was instigated by the media, devices a plan to sabotage the TV network and protect his identity.

He joins an off-grid media-free commune to hide out. The back story is complicated and I don't think it belongs in the log line. It involves an accusation by the press that his grandfather was gay, which led to the…
on When a TV program is set to launch an expose on a commune, a member who sought refuge in the group because his grandfather’s murder was instigated by the media, devices a plan to sabotage the TV network and protect his identity.

Thank you. The protagonist didn't commit the murder, the media's involvement led to someone else killing his grandfather, spurned on by the media. Maybe this confuses everything. I guess that's your point. Perhaps I t should read: When a TV…
on After years of forced thievery under his older brother, a repentant young burglar sets out to make amends with the people he’s wronged.

This sounds promising. It would be more powerful if there was an actual event the triggered it all - not just the brother saying "okay, tired of this..." Maybe it is after an incident that has a direct effect a…
on Six reckless Hollywood archetypes go on a wild crime spree after they accidentally kill an escort in their new suburban neighborhood.

Do you mean Hollywood icons? Are these guys celebrity types who accidentally killed the female (or male) escort they hired for an event? Or sex? You're not setting up a easily understood scenario. Why would an accidental death incite someone,…
on After being dumped a woman must survive in the city without her sugar daddy boyfriend and avoid the millennial fate, moving home with her parents.

Good log lines have a sense of irony - what you are describing sound like everyday life. Ho hum. Irony in Tootsie was, a man who is not nice to women (he uses them) has to dress up like a…
on A retired astronaut must overcome an emotional disability to save seven world leaders trapped inside of a crippled space station before it crashes to Earth.

Event - Character - Action is a good rule of thumb. Maybe (event) the world leaders are in a space station that - it is discovered- is on the pathway of a missile attack or an asteroid and there's a…
on After dying, Psychiatrist Ray Sandler and his secretary Caroline Neuwirth discover that they have gone to Hell and not Heaven. But there is hope in the form of Ben, a demon who offers both Ray and Caroline a chance to return to Earth, but at a cost. They must agree to get souls for Hell.

Simple rule : event - character - action. No names, never, ever. It sounds like it would be interesting if Ben was the protagonist, because you don't want to write about two protagonists - especially as a newbie. So, why…