by jamesmoench · Initiate · 60 pts
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Categories: Horror
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>> "reestablish correspondence with a gold claim..."
What does that mean? ??What is that supposed to accomplish?
And after they do reestablish correspondence -- whatever that means -- ?then what? ?What is the specific objective goal? ?And who among the relief party is the leader? ?Who is the protagonist?
>> "sentinels"
Better to just say "guards".
This will sound harsh. The logline is about your story not about you. You can write the crap out of a sentence but I don't know exactly what the story is about.
Write your logs for the layman.
