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1 review
Strengths Active protagonist Specificity
Needs work Causality and coherence
This is actually an interesting premise, but I would somewhat advise against writing unfavourably of the CCP out of caution. It's less about your own safety, rather it is (in my opinion) quite an unmarketable premise because not many producers would want to take this project on for their own piece of mind.
As for the logline itself, the word "underserved" is hurting the logline a bit because I think it is describing "misfortuned?" people from the CCP's point of view. Try to explain things from the protagonist's point of view if you can to help with clarity.
The logline isn't too bad, but the protagonist could benefit from having motivation, or a clear reason why he is going against the CCP. There are clear stakes in this premise, but a bit more context is needed to make it stand out.
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