“Following the release of a popular drug that makes sleep obsolete, some people start committing crimes in waking-dreams known as ‘Recals’ and a Dream-Detective must determine the lucidity of each suspect while secretly investigating with his own recurring Recal.” (1 Hour TV Scifi/Drama Series) Updated Version.

gilligaj:

Again, I like the core concept.? But while my prefrontal cortex is willing to suspend disbelief, my limbic system... not so much.? Not yet. The latter is hung up on what passes for "justice" in your story world.? As I illustrated by the analogy to DUI.? Now if that's the way you want to go, and if you can conjure up a scenario, an explanation that feels right for your story world , that the limbic system of the millions of viewers will buy into, more power to you.

A suggestion:? your pilot might want to include a utility character as skeptical as I am on the justice of it all. Deal with the issue up front, head on (via an argument with the protagonist) and, hence, defuse it.

fwiw

Gilligaj:

Three points:

1] Is the story world, the setting, a dystopia, a nightmare from which humanity cannot awaken, or...?

2] The setup/premise seems rather complicated.? Good luck cramming all of it into an elevator pitch --- the next phase after composing a logline -- let alone in the pilot episode.

3} And here is my primary concern:? It seems to me that committing a crime while in a dream state gives the perpetrator an unmerited "get out of jail free" card.? Sure being denied the drug may hurt his career, but? isn't going to jail because he was awake is worse?

It seems to me that committing a crime in a dream state should be an aggravating circumstance, not a mitigating one.? Just like DUI offenses (driving under the influence of alcohol)? are in the real world.? If a driver accidentally runs over someone while driving DUI, all other circumstances being equal, the legal system comes down harder -- not easier-- on the driver than if he had been stone sober.

There is a default sense of moral and legal justice hardwired into the human frontal cortex and limbic system.? And if the outputs from my frontal cortex and limbic system are typical, the fictional legal code of the story world just doesn't compute rationally and more importantly, it doesn't feel right.

In drama you have liberal creative license to play fast and loose with factual truth.? Which your concept does.? That's okay.? But your concept can't play fast and loose with emotional truth.? The plot, the characters, the events must all and always ring true emotionally.

Of course, I could be or should be writing this from a padded cell in an inane asylum.

It's also possible I've completely misread your summary.? If so, then I refer back to point 2}; the concept may be too complicated, too easy to misunderstand.

Anyway, that's my 2.5 cents worth.? I like the core concept of a series premised upon a state of consciousness we spend at least 1/4 of our lives in -- 17.5 years of our minimally allotted 3 score and 10.? Best wishes in developing the series.

If you haven't already done so,? try running your logline through the site's logline generator.? It's still in beta, but you should find it useful in paring down the word length and focusing the plot.

As a vivid and occasionally lucid dreamer, I'm interested in the premise.? However, why must the protagonist determine whether the crime was committed in a waking or dream state?? What difference does it make in determining culpability?

If you haven't already done so,? try running your logline through the site's logline generator.? It's still in beta, but you should find it useful in paring down the word length and focusing the plot.

As a vivid and occasionally lucid dreamer, I'm interested in the premise.? However, why must the protagonist determine whether the crime was committed in a waking or dream state?? What difference does it make in determining culpability?

Is each episode a different case? (Which is what I am interpreting from the logline)

Is there also an overall case that proceeds through the entire first season?

(Also, for a TV show you can go a little over the 35 word goal)

I love the concept! Very original. I recommend something much shorter along the lines of: 'A popular drug makes sleep obsolete. Side effects include waking dreams, known as Recals. A specialist determines the levels of lucidity of criminals, while investigating his own recurring Recal.'

Check out the "Our formula" tab to help with formatting. A logline should be ideally 35 words or less. At 63 words this is way too long.

You've put it under "Crime". Surely this is a SciFi? I get that it's about crime but it's defining characteristic and its hook is pure science fiction.

Is this a series or just a one off?

I like the idea of this but I would aim to trim the logline down and figure out what is essential information and what is just a "nice to have".