When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a mysterious figure, a manic-depressive alcoholic alters his entire life trajectory to save her from an ethereal shape-shifter that harvests souls for energy.

AnkhEnergy:

You've obviously put a lot of thought and imagination into your story.? I've said my 2.5 cents worth on the psychopathology and will leave it at that.

One final thought: you're synopsis discloses information I was totally unaware of, could have never gleaned from the logline.? Information that frames your story in a different light.? Specifically, that your story is? specific setting as to country (Brazil) and culture (African).? I suggest this is need-to-know information that needs to be? concisely included in the logline because it's your story hook.

In my book,? the most important factor in a logline, the must-have ingredient,? is the story hook,? an interest grabber that distinguishes,? differentiates a story from other stories with similar generic plot lines.? In this case,? from other plots about flawed a protagonist needing to rescue a damsel in distress from a malevolent entity.

Regards and best wishes with your writing.

I find the phrasing of "mysterious figure" to be vague. When I first read it, I imagined a mysterious, cloaked HUMAN. You tell us in the end what the "figure" is, so why not spell it out right away? "When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a ethereal shape-shifter, a manic-depressive alcoholic must alter his enitre life trajectory in order to save her from having her soul harvested for energy".
I also find "life trajectory" to be pretty vague also. Maybe if you alter it to "must enter another realm of reality in order to"

Distilling your 32-word revised logline? down to 19 words? this is what I come up with:

When a shift-shifter kidnaps his dream woman, an alcoholic must rescue her before her soul? is harvested for energy.

I'm dubious? afflicting the protagonist with schizophrenia.? In years gone by, schizophrenia was a disorder that writers could handily inflict upon characters because of ignorance? about the true causes and symptoms of the disorder.? But now we know so much more, chronically and acutely.? How it so cripples waking consciousness. IMHO,? it's not credible that he would be able to cognitively function? well enough to rescue anyone, even himself.? It's even more incredible when his mental disorder is further messed up with alcoholism.

(I write this as someone who has real life experience in interacting with people afflicted with schizophrenia.? "Literally hands on" experience in a few cases where I had to physically assist in subduing people overwhelmed by their hallucinations.)

Well, one might argue, the genre is a fantasy.? Doesn't that grant the writer a license to play loose and fancy with the any and all facts?? ?I don't think so..? A fantasy asks a reader or viewer to suspend disbelief.? But I think disbelief can only be suspended so long and so far.? The incredible must be anchored in the credible.?

And the most important credible anchor is human emotion and human behavior.?Viewers will suspend disbelief for factual fabulism but, IMHO, they will never suspend disbelief for emotional fabulism.

fwiw