Michan

51 points

249 points to Logliner

Loglines

on Edit2 – When a man inherits his father?s fortune he is shot while he sleeps, he wakes to his final day on earth rewinding around him and must figure out who shot him before he bleeds to death.

You must explain the connection between the main character being shot and him havin inherited his father?s fortune. Does the shoter wants to steal the money? If so, write it. "When a man, who has recently inherited his father?s fortune,…
on When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a mysterious figure, a manic-depressive alcoholic alters his entire life trajectory to save her from an ethereal shape-shifter that harvests souls for energy.

I find the phrasing of "mysterious figure" to be vague. When I first read it, I imagined a mysterious, cloaked HUMAN. You tell us in the end what the "figure" is, so why not spell it out right away? "When…