In post-apocalyptic Africa, a clairvoyant mute and her telepathic son, falsely accused of witchcraft, struggle to escape a marauding group of villagers desperate to burn them at the stakes.
Across the Bridge
5 reviews
I think this logline has promise, but i don't get who has the bizarre infirmity. I am intrigued by the clairvoyant mute and her son. Maybe you could say "must find sanctuary in the same foreign country she has seen an ill-fated future for."
In post-apocalyptic Africa, a clairvoyant mute and her telepathic son, falsely accused of witchcraft, struggle to escape a marauding group of villagers desperate to burn them at the stakes.
The latest version of the logline still doesn't describe a clear goal, as find sanctuary can mean any number of things, as such the plot is unclear.
Ending the logline on "...the same foreign country she has seen an ill-fated future for." makes no sense in the limited context that a logline can convey. This is because "...ill-fated..." lacks detail and fails to describe the particular dangers she will face and it also raises the question; if she has seen an ill-fated future in that place why go there all together? This is not a good point of intriguing for the reader it creates more confusion due to the lack of detail and direct relation to the character.
As DPG said best to focus on one goal and the ill-fated land seems confusing, so best to drop that and include a clear description of the specific way she will save her and her son.