To win the affections of the dean’s daughter, a bad boy rich kid has until graduation to get accepted into a snooty club, in order to prove his worth.

by thedarkhorse Mentor · 4,338 pts 0 views

Notes:

Original logline: 

When he falls for the dean’s daughter, a bad boy rich kid has until graduation to turn himself into a gentleman, in order to win him over and be with his daughter. * I felt the action goal was too subjective.

Second logline: When the dean’s father forbids him from marrying his daughter, a bad boy rich kid has until graduation to get accepted into a snooty club, in order to prove his worth. 

Third one: To win the affections of the dean’s daughter, a bad boy rich kid has until graduation to get accepted into a snooty club, in order to prove his worth.

Genre: more an 80s teen film/rom com. We’ll stick with coming of age for now.

Been trying to think of a better action objective for the emotional story to run on – some more ideas…

– Must win a school rowing contest. (Too much like Oxford Blues ha.)
– Must ace his final exam.
– Must turn himself into a gentleman by graduation. *** I think is still too subjective. (I do imagine the arc to be not unlike Gere in An Officer and a Gentleman.)

Not sure if this should be set in private school or college. I’m leaning towards college.

I’m well aware that protagonist and daughter could just tell the father to go screw himself and then run away together. I dunno – I want it to be about the protagonist getting back his honour and getting this man/mentor/father figure to respect him. (Notice I didn’t say antagonist.)

I’m thinking the antagonist is a preppy ex-boyfriend who thwarts him at every chance.

What do you think?

14 reviews

thedarkhorse Mentor · 4,338 pts

New logline:

To win the affections of the dean’s daughter, a bad boy rich kid has until graduation to get accepted into a snooty club, in order to prove his worth.

We're dropping political agendas/zeitgeist politics in this one. Just imagine a silly college comedy. Nice and light.

A simple boy likes girl story.

thedarkhorse Mentor · 4,338 pts

Dpg.

Some ideas you've given me...

- Perhaps that's her arc. She starts off passive/weak-willed?

- The father could forbid the protagonist behind her back. He "secretly" forbids the protagonist.

When the dean's father secretly forbids him from marrying his daughter, a bad boy rich kid has until graduation to get accepted into a snooty club, in order to prove his worth.

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

>>>There’s nothing stopping the couple from being progressive.

>>> they could easily run away or shun the father.

There's nothing in the logline to signal to logline readers that they are a progressive couple. Or that she has the gumption to defy the wishes of her old man.

Loglines have one and only one chance, 10-15 seconds, to make the right impression.