6 reviews
Best if you post new versions of a logline further down the same thread instead of re writing the original post - this way we can all see/track the progress and changes you make.
War is better for your story - it has clearer and more immediate stakes.
However, I'd argue that it's still unclear what starts the story off and how it will end. What event causes the war to start? Is it a big political assassination? If so, could the main character be somehow related to the victim? If you do make the main character a relation of the victim, you can make the story more personal and add the logic of why he (over all others) must rise up and save the people.
You need to keep your descriptions immediately clear to all readers. This means that no matter who reads it, they should be able to get it straight away without the need to think about or search for the meaning of the terminology in the logline.? What does a "...new type of technological and societal global war..." mean? No need to answer this, just think of a better way to word it so that the reader doesn't wonder what you mean. In my opinion, war is war - best keep it that way and simply describe it as WW3.
Lastly, facing adversity is the very nature of characters in good stories - making that statement on its own doesn't inform the reader. What must the main character do before the end of the story? Must he end the war? Win it? Save a handful of people?
Whatever it is he MUST do you MUST describe it in the logline.
>>>>he is a prophecized figure from the Bible.
In my calculus, the most important element in a logline is the hook.? And in this story, the hook is that the advent of the protagonist is a fulfillment of Biblical prophesy.? It's the story element that makes the story stand out from other earth-going-to-hell-in-a-hand-basket scenarios? So it needs to be worked into the logline.
>>>he is a prophecized figure from the Bible
But it's the story hook, what makes the story stand out from all the other world-going-to-hell-in-a-hand-basket, doomsday scenarios.? ?IMHO: the most important element in a logline is the story hook. So I believe it needs to be incorporated into the logline.
fwiw