5 reviews
As Nir Shelter said.
Walter White's objective -- to provide for his family after his death -- is socially acceptable, a motive everyone can ?empathize with ?and accept. ?What is unacceptable is the means he chooses to achieve his objective goal.
And in contrast to the actress in this logline, Walter White did not act in the heat of passion. ?His decision was cold, calculated.
Agreed with the above.
It's easy to reference successful stories as precedents for a premise, but it doesn't make it the right thing to do. One other, very important, aspect that made Walter White likable at first was the fact that he wanted to provide for his family - he did a bad thing for a good reason.
Point is, don't get lost in the loosely related aspects of your story to a hugely successful?show, Vince Gilligan and Peter Gould did a lot of work on the structure and character's of Breaking Bad before they were able to make them empathetic.
Lastly, and semi-related to the empathy question, if the inciting incident is of her own doing (accidental or not) it renders the whole premise heavily contrived. Could you not make it so someone else kills the fiance, and she is on the run to prove her innocens? Bit Fugitive like, but it resolves several of the big problems noted above.
Excellent comment by Richiev about connecting the reader to the character.
To which I would add that "Breaking Bad" stands out because the setting and profession of the character were different. ?It wasn't set in Hollyweird , wasn't about show business, wasn't about a failed actor or actress.
I did a quick query on hits for ?posted loglines with the words "actor" or "actress", came up with over 50 hits. Write a script and logline that stands out because it doesn't fall back upon the same ol', same ol' character and location tropes.
fwiw