When Aliter, an odd hawk with an overbearing family, leaves his home in a fit of rage, he will have to discover what it means to be truly free if he is to survive on his own.

What is the event that causes him to leave home?

What does he have to do out in the "real world"? Survival is at stake ... but why? What is trying to kill him? (Could be a great movie if it's simply - I'm assuming animated - about a hawk who leaves home and encounters a hunter, and the battle between them? Essentially a Pixar-esque version of Duel? Stakes get raised at the midpoint when one of his family members becomes a target of the hunter as well?)

Hi,

looks like you're heading in the right direction already but I thought I'd add one more comment. It sounds as if 'odd' might mean he's gentle or a vegetarian. Why not say that in the logline? The reader might find it fun or interesting to see that juxtaposition - a hawk who doesn't like to hunt prey, or a hawk who only wants to eat veggies. Whereas 'odd' could mean anything.

good luck

Good luck finding a focus for what he stands for, what he really wants to do. The movie "Ratatouille" comes to mind. Remy the rat has a passionate, positive desire that sets him apart, in conflict with his family, his species: he appreciates good food (value). Not just to eat it, but to cook it (ambition). And so, when he finds himself in Paris he takes advantage of the situation to cook at one of its best restaurants (goal).

I'm not sure exactly. I was thinking perhaps he would have been friends with some prey animal when he was young or some prey animal could have saved his life earlier. I don't think I want him to be 'black and white' labeled as a pacifist per say but I think to some degree he would be ever since that early childhood moment even with the conflict going on inside of him. Also I don't plan on this being a comedy, but more of an adventure.

What does he stand for?

Is he a pacifist? A vegan? An animal rights activist? Knowing the inciting incident opens up all kinds of interesting possibilities in my mind, particularly if you're writing a comedy.

I really like your suggestion. I think that really sums up what's going on. Thanks!

I think the logline is beginning to take shape, how about this:
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"When an odd hawk's banished from the nest for refusing to kill his first prey, he must learn to survive without killing; or lose what he stands for.?
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Hope that helped, good luck with this!

When Aliter, an odd hawk with an overbearing family, refuses to kill his first prey, he is banished and will have to learn how to survive without losing what he stands for, if he is to prove his family wrong."

I tried to incorporate the incident that kicks everything off. I think by him refusing to kill prey he really has to struggle to survive even more than if he was just on his own for the first time. I'm really going for the a feeling of conflict within himself where he is weighing survival with his morals. The exterior conflict would really be his trying to feed and take care of himself without killing anything. Thanks for all the advice by the way. What do you think of this new version ^.

The log line seems to be a classic coming of age/rite of passage story. The kid rebels against parental authority, seeks his freedom -- and his fortune in a rough and tumble world for which he is not adequately prepared. He's going to have to grow up fast.

After the hawk has got his freedom, what is the fortune he seeks? What does he want to accomplish? What did he want to do that his parents wouldn't let him do? Which is to say, what triggered his rebellion and flight?

That he is rebelling against his parental programming-- what his parents are always nagging him to do: take out the garbage, clean up his room -- whatever/however is expected of young hawks -- is certainly a part of the trigger to rebel. But I don't think it's sufficient. I suggest he must also rebel against parental injunctions: what his parents are telling him he can't do because he's too young or because it's too foolish and unnatural for a hawk to do such a thing. Somewhere embedded in what he wants to do but that his parents forbid is his true calling, his destiny. What is it?

A rite of passage is a trial by trouble,growth through suffering. What natural enemies do hawks have? What are the mistakes that a young "kid" who hasn't fully "earned his wings" can make? What's the worst thing that can happen to him that will get him killed unless has the courage and wits to survive the ordeal?

Thanks for the info! Perhaps:

"When Aliter, an odd hawk with an overbearing family, leaves his home in a fit of rage, he will have to learn how to survive with his newfound freedom if he is to prove to his family that he can make it on his own."

Thoughts?

Alas, I'm afraid the log line has a similar problem as the previous one. "Discover what it means to be free" is rather general and subjective. To the degree there is an objective goal, it's negative: he's fleeing from home out of rage. But what does he want to accomplish with his freedom? What's his positive goal?

And what are the stakes in his subjective goal? That is, what does he stand to gain if he "discovers what it means to be truly free"? What does he stand to lose if he fails to "discover what it means to be truly free"?

Compare to this log line for "Legends of the Guardians":

When a young owl is abducted by an evil Owl army, he must escape with new-found friends and seek the legendary Guardians to stop the menace.

Notice that in the log line, the owl has to do something more than the oh-so obvious -- escape. He also has a positive objective goal: " seek the legendary Guardians to stop the menace".