When a government Space station is taken over by a terrorist organisation, its paper pushing engineer must escape to help protect both his wife and national security

This seems to have the potential of "The Hunt for Red October" where a regular guy is forced to do extraordinary things. Everyone relates to that and probably accounted for the popularity of both the book and the movie

So, making our wormy engineer at odds with both space (Is it his first time? He's there because someone who was supposed to go got sick?) and the situation (Maybe he had an embassy posting some years ago and happens to know the language the terrorists, or some of it?) makes him more vulnerable and everyone can relate to that.

Certainly better and clearer in this case. I still think there's a wasted dramatic opportunity in not setting the central conflict in the station itself .... But ... If you have some intricate answer to that question, I recommend you save it for when a producer or exec asks you about it (a half-way competent LA one will!), rather than encumber the logline with it.

The revised logline is confusing. A prison on earth, controlled by a space station? The original logline was simpler. It was obvious to me that escape was a feasible and worthwhile strategy. Some hint of a character flaw and transformation arc would help.