5 reviews
Revised versions:
When a lonely con man discovers he has a 14-year old daughter, he struggles to bond with her while shielding her from his criminal occupation.
(25 words)
That he's lonely is the character flaw that draws him into the relationship with the daughter.? It's what makes him emotionally vulnerable to becoming conned.? (That's how a con works, it exploits the weakness of the mark.)
He's also afflicted with an obsessive compulsive disorder which adds color to his character.? And explains why he's so lonely.? ?So maybe:
When a lonely con man afflicted with OCD discovers he has a 14-year old daughter, he struggles to bond with her while shielding her from his criminal occupation.
(28? words)
>>>The logline doesn?t suggest an ending
A logline doesn't have to suggest how a story will end.? A logline should never give away the ending.? It need only raise a question of whether the protagonist will achieve his objective goal.
>>>which makes it sound boring.
The movie didn't make back its money at the box-office.
The logline doesn't suggest an ending. I see above that you've got some trickery going on (fun) but still, the logline should give me some idea about what the character is primarily DOING and here, what it boils down to is bonding and shielding, which could go on forever, which makes it sound boring.