When a brain injury puts a surefire pro football prospect's institutional loyalty into question, he must rediscover himself and rise to protect his teammates from a ruthless coaching staff.

Yes. Thanks for boiling it down, Richie!

I thought about really putting all the stakes on the brain injury from act one on, but the hero leaving the athletic realm gives him perspective from the outside. The fact that all these people "love" him has always been uncomfortable for him and now he finally sees why. It's strictly conditional.

So the leg injury was the vehicle I've used thus far to force him OUT of athletics. Head injuries are (or have been until late), treated with suspicion in locker rooms. These guys compete so fiercely that it's seen as a lack of will, especially since most can and do cheat concussion tests to play anyhow. So a broken leg would force him out. Either way, your comment has me wondering if I can find a way to place ALL the external stakes on the head injury.

Oh and the stake character - yes, that's great insight. The trickster/fool character is a puppy dog-type and a walk-on that is thrust forth because of Cal's injury. Desperate for glory, he ends up in over his head and Cal feels responsible for his demise. This is what forces Cal to attempt to come back early.

Other characters in the locker room also have stakes tied to Cal's performance - notably his fellow linemen. Another of which is on the cusp of being a prized prospect as well. So the characters and implicit (and explicit) pressures are there. It feels like it's just a matter of getting the chemistry right.

I am going to take both of these comments into the next rewrite in January. Thank you!

As usual, Richiev rises to the challenge with a pithy logline, one that focus on, imho, the more serious, hence more dramatically compelling injury.

My gutless instinct tells me that the story might be better served by focusing upon, building upon, intensifying the dilemma for the protagonist created by the brain injury. That is, the more he plays after the injury has been diagnosed, the more he puts him at risk of additional blows that will exacerbate his condition.

My gutless instinct also tells me that the broken leg injury might work better if that befalls a teammate . My reasoning is that if the protagonist's goal is to protect his team mates than the audience needs scenes to show WHY he has that goal: to wit, other players are being hobbled, even taken out for the season, with injuries.

And my gutless instinct tells me the leg injury -- or something similar-- would work best if it befalls a team mate with whom the protagonist forms a strong emotional investment -- a bond of friendship that extends beyond the gladiatorial arena -- er, football field.

IOW: a stake character. A stake character is a fellow victim, a character other than the protagonist who has a lot to gain or lose in the protagonist's struggle. [See "The Hunger Games", the emotional bond that develops between Katniss and Rue -- it's more than just a expedient alliance for survival.]

And a stake character can also represent the plight of a whole group of victims, in this case the entire team. Other team mates suffer, too, but the stake character can focus and intensify the suffering in a way that more directly and immediately motivates the protagonist.

fwiw.

"When a brain injury calls a surefire pro football prospect's loyalty to question, he must rise to protect his teammates from the ruthless head coach."