To save her people from extinction, a nanotech-specialist and her ultra-robot are sent to seek natives for gene-samples in a terrifying jungle, where they face a dangerous super-intelligence.

7 reviews

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

I haven't read the other comments on the thread so sorry if this is a repeat of anything that's already been written.

I refer you to the 'Formula' tab on the top bar - read it, study it, learn to love it - it will help you if you let it.

Best to describe a plot with; a main character, event (or inciting incident) and goal - you start of this logline with the goal but don't describe the event. Think of a logline as a quick way for a producer to experience the basic premise of your story, in other words, give them the plot critical elements in the order they would appear in the film - inciting incident, flawed main character, action, then goal.

So what's putting her people in danger?

Last thing, try and avoid adjectives as much as possible, instead, let the combination of the elements in your logline make it clear to the reader just how "...terrifying..." or "...dangerous..." things are.

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

>>>To save her people from extinction

Extinction by what?? What is the source of the threat?

And what is? secret symmetry, the cause and effect relationship between the threat of extinction and the monster in the jungle?

nedlog Penpusher · 216 pts

All right, here is my final version:

To save her people from extinction, a researcher and her robot seek endangered natives in a terrifying jungle, where they have to fight a dangerous super-intelligence, before they can get their desired gene-samples.

+ the synopsis:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/lik4goav6aceomr/CHAOS.pdf?dl=0