Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
The Script “CEMENT PILLOW”
To further the Superman analogy I used in your last logline attempt:
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Let's say Jimmy Olsen and Clark Kent get into a dispute at work.? Jimmy Olson discovers that his lunch is missing from the break room. This has happened before and now Jimmy is angry. Someone is eating his lunch which he clearly marked.
Jimmy is sure that Clark Kent is the culprit and confronts him. The two argue?loudly but the dispute is not resolved,
The next day Jimmy retaliates by putting a bunch of salt in Clark Kent's lunch. Clark can't prove Jimmy did it but he knows it was him.
The situation escalates, as both men retaliate against one other with petty revenge tactics, soon the entire paper gets caught up taking sides in the dispute.
Finally, Perry White calls them in the office to mediate, when he can't resolve the issue, he ends up firing Jimmy Olsen because it is clear both men can't work together.
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Here is the problem, Nothing about this plotline is necessary?for "Superman" to be the lead character; the lead character could be Joe Schmo with no superpowers and the story could have the exact same plotline. It might make for an interesting 'B' storyline but if you are going to write about Superman it should be about him saving the world from an evil Super Villian.
Why is Jesus necessary for your story? What is it about your story that it has to be Jesus instead of just an ordinary man who has an estranged?daughter and gets into a fight with the police?
Because that one extra thing which makes your script need to have Jesus as your lead character will be your hook; and the hook should be in your logline.? So I would add why the lead character must be Jesus and not Joe Schmo, and in doing so, it will greatly improve your logline.
>>> fix the tech issues?
Such as?
The fundamental problem I have is that the premise of a JC who fights back rather than turn the other cheek is both a story hook -- and a story obstacle. It's an obstacle because it is diabolically and diametrically opposite to everything known and believed about the religious figure.? The question dangling over the logline that goes begging for an answer is: WHY?? Why is he this way?? Why is a man who preached? -- and practiced --non-violence acting violently?? (Why do you want to portray him that way?? Other than exploiting JC with a provocative twist to his character and teachings, what's your point?)
And even? if I get past that obstacle, I still don't get a connection between the the conflict and the stakes? It's not logically obvious why all humanity gets in the crossfire of JC's private war with the fuzz - -why their lives are at risk.
fwiw
>>>if I fix the tech issues it will get made...
But it isn't yet
& while we are trying to point out the "tech issues" you really are posting the same version again.
Do you think your film will solve itself?
Currently it does not read as a film idea, however original your writing might be. There's got to be a reason why - despite of being inspiring - it isn't sold yet. Try to wrap your head around that...