The complexities of dealing with the suicide of a loved one, taint the innocence of a young boy's formative years. They leave in their wake a man with a powerful urge to mix pleasure and violence. The only thing keeping him from acting out his morbid fantasies is a gnawing conscience. But as his desires gain ground, the man he strives to be loses it's grip, plunging him into the blackness of his own broken mind. He ultimately seeks redemption, but he can never be free from the demons that torment him.

Broken Cowboy

4 reviews

Tony Edward Samurai · 1,450 pts

The only thing I would add above what Nir and dpg have said is just technical: You should give yourself the restriction of using only 30 words or under and only one sentence for the logline. Not only is this Industry standard, but it forces you to focus only on the meat of the story... Which is the only thing a logline needs to express... Main character, what they want, what stands in their way from getting that (or what they have to do to get it) and what's at stake if they don't get what they want. If these things aren't specifically expressed they should at least be implied... In 30 words or less.

Best of luck.

cbearly 0 pts

I haven't seen Dexter. I'll have to watch it to see how it compares. Thanks for the input.

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

What Nir Shelter. Sounds a lot like "Dexter".

There might be the basis for a compelling character here, but the description of his mental problem is too general and there is no sense of his specific strategy for dealing with his pathology. What's the story hook?

Dexter's coping strategy was very specific: he channeled his pathology into being a serial killer of criminals. That was the hook that sold the character, sold the series that was built around him.