“When her drink is spiked at a party a virgin finds herself pregnant and a seminary student is the father. Together they must go through hell to find a piece of heaven.”

4 reviews

Nina Logliner · 380 pts

This logline suggest a one plot beat.? What about the plot leading to an end? Using dpg's elements, revise your current logline and post again.

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

Agreed with the above.

Also, there seems to be a lack of high stakes. What is at stake and for whom?
If she wants to keep the baby, no problem. If she doesn't want to keep the baby, she can have an abortion. Sure it isn't pleasant, but the ramifications aren't great - these things happen.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

The logline should be written from the perspective of the lead character: Example "When she becomes pregnant" Or "When her drink is spiked at a party"

The goal of the character should be stated in the logline. It should be directly related to the inciting incident.

Adding those two things to this logline will improve it.

Hope that helped, good luck with this!