Well darn, I just can't win for losing.... (I'm not mad). His goal/premise/desire is to have a family... and I have it clearly SHOWN not told on page 4 of my script... that you are unaware of... I know. Again I'm not mad, just frustrated, trying to squeeze 120 min into 15-20 seconds... However, I'm beginning to grasp the concept a little in ref to inner vs outer goal... the outer is what I need to include in my logline... I'll keep at it. Lucky for me, I don't have to add a logline for the Scriptapalooza contest because I would be SOL. But structure... I have studied and practiced and studied some more... so I'm pretty confident with what should happen in the first 10 pages, 30 pages 45-60.. so forth, Twist in Act III, but this logline is kicking my arse. But anyways, I will spend several weeks playing around with mine and others.... practice makes perfect.... or at least better.... and I am grateful, Karel for the feedback... because no feedback, I would just assume it's okay. :)